by Kasia Kedzia
I have viewed Time as my enemy for much too long. As a result too often I have taken control, made decisions or simply been impatient and anxious because I felt like time was running out, was not on my side or something was simply taking too long. I am learning however, that Time is my biggest ally and friend. Time is what God uses to temper wisdom, to reveal His will, to heal my heart and brokenness that allow me to truly apply what He is teaching me. God uses time to give me perspective and strength to let go of that which He has called me to release to Him. Letting go can be hard, but God helps us through it when we trust him. Being deeply loved by Him gives me the strength.
Ps33:13 “The Lord looks down from heaven and sees every person. He made their hearts and understands everything they do. No king is saved by his great army. No warrior escapes by his great strength. But the Lord looks after those who fear him those who put their hope in his love. So our hope is in the Lord.”
Its not easy but it’s a choice to believe that God is there for me every step of the way if I just stick it out through the journey.
On the outside I am strong, confident and bold. But this is not who I am. Over the last few months when asked, “How are you?” I’d answer honestly, “I’m hanging in there.” I’ve gotten some confused looks to my reply. One person actually said, “Wait, you? You’re a rock!” I am not a rock. My strength comes from God’s love as does my confidence but when I am hurting I can look inward, question my self-worth and lose sight of my worth in God’s eyes. Time is what God uses to restore right perspective.
Genesis 15:1 “...don’t be afraid. I will defend you, and I will give you a great reward.”
I may look strong on the outside but I’m learning to let people see what’s on the inside. On the inside I can question my choices, even when I know they are right. Learning who I am in God gives confidence to my decisions and allows me to let go and move forward in greater confidence that I am still in His will. Time is my friend, I don’t have to “what if” my future and worry about running out of time or try to rush to the next thing. God uses time to help me find balance. Time helps me face and process my emotions and restore the balance.
Rom12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
To renew is to restore. Restoration takes time and I am learning to allow God the time to restore me the right way, His way. I want to be strong and confident and bold in Him again. I want to be fully restored and give at capacity and laugh at the days to come. This too takes time. Restoration requires that I take off the old before putting on the new. This process of taking off the old is so much more than regretting my sinful actions and resolving not to do it again. That’s just not enough. Time breaches the chasm between my head and my heart. It’s a decision - to renew my mind but it can take time for the new to seep and take root deep in my heart and soul.
There comes a point where I decide to learn from the pain but not let it hold me hostage. Time heals so that I can release the pain. This transforms the pain into something beautiful that can inform my decisions and allows me to release the past. My past can inform my decisions but won’t keep me stuck.
I have to renew my thinking because if I think the same way I’ll just repeat the same mistakes. Renewing my thinking has involved renewed actions and for me this has meant inaction. Not retaliating, not reacting and not responding in hurt or high emotions. Instead it’s meant bringing all to God.
Renewal takes time. I can see time as the enemy, but that is what often causes my pain in the first place, impatience, taking control, not allowing time to do it’s work. I am learning to see time as my friend. Renewing takes time but through it I will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, if I allow Him the time to work.
Time is required to test, discern, sort out, weed and weigh through all the things, feelings and emotions to arrive at the right conclusions: God’s will. To become the right person, the woman I want to be so I can see God’s will with more clarity. There is more time in the in-between than what I am comfortable with but I know God is doing something and as crazy as it may sound and as painful as they have been, I would not trade the lessons I have learned in this season. What I learned has and continues to make me better because God is using it and He has a greater plan for me. When I embrace the time God is using I am able to enjoy the journey of His revelations in my life. I’m not perfect, I will mess up, but God is doing something and He will reveal my destiny to me. It no longer rests on me, my power, and my actions. It’s in His hands and I cannot wait to see what He does.
Romans 8:28 “We know that in everything God works for the good of those who live him. They are the people called, because that was his plan.”
My past will remind me, but it will not define me. It will inform me, but does not dictate my future. God has a plan and purpose for me. He can leverage purpose from anything, if I allow him to, in His time. God can work and use all things and He will use all things, even this. I want God’s way more than my way because His ways are perfect.
Psalm 84:11 The Lord God is like a sun and shield; the Lord gives us kindness and honor. He does not hold back anything good from those whose lives are innocent. Lord All-powerful, happy are the people who trust
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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