by Kasia Kedzia
Lately I have been learning to believe and live in knowing that God does not play emotional games; he does not deny me any good thing and if something is denied me then it’s ultimately not good for me.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
This has been a hard but incredibly freeing lesson to learn. It has allowed me to see a lot of the selfishness in my heart. It is allowing me to learn what it means to really love, serve, sacrifice and yield my rights to others as Christ did for me. As I prayed for seemingly ‘good’ things I realized that my motives were selfish. I prayed for character change and personal growth in godly characteristics but ultimately it was so that I could reap the benefit of what that change could produce in my life: better relationships, accolades on the job, better job or gym performance. Let’s face it, when we implement Christian principles in our lives we are better, people take note and we reap benefits. However, when I pray in such a way eventually whatever it may be is never good enough. So I stopped, I stopped and started to pray for God’s perfect will instead of his permissive will. It is then that I began to remember what I have always known; Jesus loves me in spite of my failings. If my self-worth is based in my sense of greatness, my parent’s love, or anything else, it will fail, as all these things will pass.
1 Corinthians 6:12 “Everything is permissible for me”- but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”- but I will not be mastered by anything.
The incredible thing about this is that God still heard my prayers and has worked in my life and heart to help me see Him more clearly. He continued to use me in others lives. I look back and see how much he has changed within me and continues to do so and I am overwhelmed by this gracious, and merciful love. I have lived in God’s permissive will and benefitted but I am learning to want more. As he wants all of me I am beginning to want all of him.
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you should go; I will council you and watch over you.
God really does want all of me: the good, bad and ugly. He loves me more than I will ever know. The more I grow and accept this love, the more I get to know him as a God who knows me (Gal4:6-7) and not just a God I know of. When I accept this, I no longer place myself in the place of God and I can see that he can be trusted. I am no longer just willing to wait for him to move I am eager to wait. I am eager to wait as long as it takes because I am convinced that even the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. God’s timing is perfect.
Pv 3:5-8,25-26 (NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. […] 25Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
When I trust God I see that my role is not to do good deeds as much as it is to stay connected to Him and give away what He gives me (Eph2:10). When I seek to live in his perfect will I no longer withhold a part of myself; I no longer worry about what’s to come. When I trust I am humble before him; I am courageous in the face of fear; and able to be confident in his greatness. It is so important for me to continually return to God’s perspective over my own in the unknown.
Is 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord…
A funny thing happened when I started to cling to these scriptures and cherish these thoughts - I began to see God. Not any physical manifestation of God but rather His Spirit moving in my life. I see him working in the very areas of my life I was so afraid to release and he is doing immeasurably more than I could have imagined. I’m not talking about physical or material gains; I am talking about a mind and heart change, peace of mind and true contentment. It is incredible what one can accomplish with that, the power that it gives us to give of ourselves because God always takes the initiative when we wait on him.
1 Peter 5:6-7 So humble yourselves under God’s strong hand, and in His own good time He will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon Him, for you are His personal concern.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest of we do not give up.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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