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Often times in a given situation we know what the right thing to do is and we do it, but the question is why. I recently began to recognize the difference between doing the right thing because I intellectually know it is the right thing to do versus doing the right thing out of a deep desire to please and know God. When I do the right thing based on my own knowledge it doesn’t last. I can do and say the right thing for a while but inevitably, when I rely on my own strength to fight, I will buckle. Although this is a lesson I feel like I have been learning and putting into practice for a few months now I recently had a defeat.

Luke 18:9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: […]

There are many warnings in the bible about becoming overly confident, self-righteous or conceited. I recently became overly confident in my own righteousness. I thought I had everything under control. I had my emotions in check. I was praying to be grateful and to live in the present and I thought I was living it. Man’s tendency is not just to believe things, but to believe them in ways that are arrogant, defensive, close minded and self-righteous. As I had been studying out Humility I began to realize how much more I need to pray to God very specifically in order to truly rely on him and not just rely on what I know. As my birthday approached there was one person in particular who I really wanted to hear from. However, I did not really take these thoughts and desires to God. I acknowledged they were there and rationalized them away with knowledge. I talked my self through it, “I know what the right thing to do is. It is not right for me to have this expectation. I need to focus and be grateful.” I still prayed generally for a great time and to be grateful but I did not pray through these specific emotions I was feeling. As the birthday love flowed-in from so many people I kept secretly hoping but still not talking to God about it. Finally I gave in and confronted my friend. As you can imagine nothing good came of it. Let’s face it, forced wishes are not any better than no wishes at all. As soon as I did it I felt incredibly stupid and humiliated. I questioned my actions and wondered whatever possessed me. After all I know better! My actions were ungrateful and selfish. They undermined all that others had given to me. At that moment I realized my mistake.

Matthew 16:6(NIV) “Be careful,” Jesus said to them, “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.”

The above passage warns us about an attitude that works like yeast and spreads into our lives. While the passage below directs us to a solution. I realized that my actions were a step back but the great thing was that I saw it. A humble attitude is not always a given in failure. I must choose it. As I read about David making a similar mistake I felt a bit of relief.

1Sam27:1”One of these days I will be destroyed b Soul. The best thing I can do is to escape to the land of the Philistines. Then Soul will give up searching for me […]

David talked himself through a solution, he relied on self. It sounded completely rational and sound and others even followed him. It even worked for a while just like my little plan did. However, just like David I did not have peace and God kept pushing me.

1 Samuel 30:6 David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; […] But David found strength in the Lord. 8 and David inquired of the LORD , "Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?"

"Pursue them," he answered. "You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue."

When his back was against the wall, David finally turned back to God for the answer. He asked God specifically what he should do and God provided a clear answer. I listened to self once, but I had an opportunity to stop and listen to God immediately after. In this time of defeat I had a choice to get self-righteous and focus on blaming or focus on learning. I chose to ask myself what I could learn and how I could do better next time.

Prv 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Trust me, the next day my prayer was a lot more specific regarding the random thoughts running through my head that I would have ignored in the past. When I rely on God in such a way I recognize that He is God and I am not, even when I don’t understand, I need to obey; not because I will be punished if I don’t but because I will be protected and spared self-inflicted pain if I do.

Ish 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Ultimately, self-control does not come from me. It’s not about me forcing myself to do the right thing; it’s more about me surrendering what I’m battling with to Him. In turn, I can receive the self-control given to me through a deeper understanding and peace.

Prv 25:28 A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.

God never leaves me defenseless; His walls are so much more powerful than mine…

Ish 60:18 No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise.

"Point of Reference" from Fred Price

Called To Brokenness