by Kasia Kedzia
When my life gets a bit more unpredictable for my comfort level I tend to kick into self- reliance mode. A recent sports injury, my grandparents declining health, and uncertainty in my next career steps are only a few of the things that began to press more heavily on my heart and mind lately. In these moments my instinct is to do something, anything to help me feel a sense of control. I begin to doubt that God is working because my circumstances don’t look like what I would have them be. As a result, I become more self-reliant and less God-reliant. If I allow it, unpredictability and uncertainty can shake my faith. In these moments I try to draw my faith from my actions instead of drawing it from God.
Rm 4:20-21 (NAS) 20 yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, 21 and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.
When I lose sight of God’s promises I waver in unbelief and weaken my faith to the point that even the good things I pursue, I do on my own strength. I then start to doubt or simply forget God’s promises and try to perform by my own ability.
2 Peter 1:5-9 (NIV) For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
When I read 2 Peter 1, I can often focus on the above passage of scripture and somehow try to add all the listed things to my faith on my own. I hone in on versus 5-9 and lose sight of versus 3-4.
2 Peter 1:3-4 (NIV) His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
When I am not focused on God’s goodness, I can give Satan a point of entry into my thinking that can take me as far as even questioning my status as God’s daughter. I allow my fear to drive me to self-reliance instead of driving me into God’s powerful arms. I can go hard and only feel emptier. I can compare myself to others at the gym and feel like a failure for not being able to do what others are doing instead of focusing on doing my personal best. I can panic about my future and pile on the pressure of feeling like I should have ‘it’ all figured out by now. I lose sight of what my life is and all the good and full things in it. What I really should do is be still and throw my worries and fears onto God.
2 Corinthians 3:17 (NIV) Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
When I focus and live in God’s goodness, there is an incredible sense of freedom. Although my circumstances may not change, when I know God and draw closer to him I have greater peace in knowing that although I may not see it, he will make his plans clear in his time. I can move forward without second-guessing my decisions or comparing myself to others. There are still some things that I need to battle through in my heart and mind. It’s not always easy and I can still ask, “But why this way?” However, knowing his power and love gives me the strength to obey while I allow my emotions to catch up.
Every time I am faced with unpredictable and uncertain circumstances I have a choice as to what prism I will chose to address my situation through. No matter how hard I try, I can’t amp myself up to be more faithful or conjure it up through what feels right to me. Faith comes from one place and the more I listen the more I reclaim my freedom.
Romans 10:17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.
Jeremiah 24:6-7 My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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