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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I remember being a little girl and walking into a dark room with a mirror. Catching a glimpse of my own reflection could be absolutely terrifying. Yet once the light was on I couldn’t help but laugh at my fear. I had simply scared myself.
If someone would have asked me last week, “If you could have any super power which one would you have?” I would have immediately answered, “ the power to stop time!”
I went to sleep Monday night and woke up Saturday, or at least that is how it felt, as the week went by so quickly it was an absolute blur. The only thing reminding me of each passing day was the increased weariness and pain in my entire body. By the end of the week I was truly the walking dead. All this I guess to say, it was a hard week. So much so that no matter how much I panted to just get a second alone in peace and quiet with God to meditate and be still. It just didn’t happen last week.
I started a new job- an answered prayer job. I had planned the entire week ahead to be prepared and have a good first week and I still ended up anxious, over tired which resulted in over emotional and fearful. By mid week people began to ask, “so how is the new job?” and all I could say was, “well, ask me in a month when it really starts.” Right now all I was doing was reading, learning, meeting with people and yet physically I felt like I was doing manual labor or something. By the end of the week I sat in one of my last meetings almost in tears, questioning if I had made the right decision. Was this truly the right place and job for me? I questioned if God had truly led me here. I was already ungrateful and it had only been a week! I was fearful of the future. My stomach was tied in knots as I began to worry about all the possible ‘bad’ things that could happen in the future. I felt trapped or stuck. I began to think about all the things I wanted now that I had the job. I began to wonder what this ‘meant’. I was terrified. By the end of the week I couldn’t tell if it was the new job or my own anxiety that had driven me loopy. All I knew is I missed God. I missed time with Him. When Saturday morning finally rolled around, all it took was one scripture to make me stop dead in my tracks and repent- in my thinking and in my actions.
Josh1:9 (NIV) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
This week has started off so much better because I am confident and at peace because God is with me and I believe it and am no longer terrified.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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