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1Sam7:3( NIV) If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only and he will deliver you out of the hands of the Philistines.

When I have read passages in the Old Testament about people worshiping false idols I was always so frustrated at how they so quickly turned away from God after the phenomenal miracles they had witnessed. Yet, I see how easily in small ways I do the same thing.  Ok, so I don’t build ceramic idols to worship, I don’t consciously turn away from God, but unconsciously I can so easily forget how He delivers me.

I walked out of the train station the other day and on my way home, a good distance away, I saw someone that looked like he might need help. You know the person that begins to hesitate in their body language and starts to pause and even though you can’t see the white of their eyes you can make out the confusion on their face from a distance. My first thought was, “I hope someone else gets to him first.” As soon as I thought this some one else did stop and helped.  The thought echoed in my head as I realized how ugly it was. I started to ask myself where it had come from and honestly I haven’t figured it out quite yet.  Although I think it has something to do with a defense mechanism, I have noticed it is really selfishness in disguise. My foreign God of choice?  Me. At the moment I saw someone else had helped the man, I felt relief that I didn’t have to.  Then I felt ugly and guilty for thinking that way.

In attempting to find my way in my career and personal life over the past couple of months I realized that at some point I began to be idle. I stopped giving 100% of me because I reached a point where I was 110% drained. I continued to pray for renewal and fought to overcome fears.  Through this process, I have been rejuvenated and was granted moments of clarity where I have seen how right God is and how wrong I am.  I began to see how I had let my selfishness grow-it had become my idol.  My selfishness only resulted in my being insecure and unsettled.  In my process to rid myself of the idols in my life I simply replaced them with another idol- me. Or maybe this process has really revealed what was always there? In any case, the more I have committed to the Lord the easier it has been to see the idols I put before God and deal with an overwhelming insecurity and feeling of ugliness (ugliness of the heart- un-acceptance of self).

1Sam7:3(The Message) If you are truly serious about coming back to God, clean house. Get rid of the foreign gods, ground yourselves firmly in God, worship him and him alone, and he’ll save you from Philistine oppression.

The 2004 Dove Campaign for Real Beauty report, an extensive survey of women of various ages and nationalities, found that “women feel beautiful when they are fully engaged in meaningful life activities.  More than half of women say they feel beautiful when they help others (54%); (75%) of women agree that beauty comes from a woman’s spirit and love of life”[1]. When I began to ground myself firmly in God and worship him alone I began to dream for him again and focus on others. The feelings of self doubt, self focus, and self hate began to lift. Others’ concerns no longer sparked a feeling of weight and helplessness, but instead I had ideas on how to encourage and serve. These ideas have lead to plans which, as I write, have been set into motion. Yet this took me seeing past myself and many months of prayer until God would show me what He was trying to teach me.

Deut7:6 (NIV) For you are a people holy to the Lord your God.  The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.

(The Message) God chose you out of all the people on Earth for himself as a cherished, personal treasure

When I live like God’s treasured possession and live in the understanding of His love it allows me to love others in a deeper way. Even when I am not 100% I can still give, because I am no longer giving of me, I’m giving of the love that God has instilled in me.  So when I’m at the temporary job and I’m performing mundane tasks I can remember whose I am and still give 100% without feeling like I’m wasting my time and energy.  I can focus on impacting those around me instead of focusing on my present situation.  I’m trusting that He will deliver me in His time.  So maybe the next time I see someone in need I won’t wish for God to send someone else, maybe instead I will step out and ask for Him to use me. My career nor my personal life are promised to sky rocket into full bloom tomorrow, but if I can just hold onto how precious I am to God, maybe I won’t get in my own way when He is ready to show me His plan. My own statue should never cast a shadow on God’s grand image.

Josh23:14(The Message) Know this with all your heart, with everything in you, that not one detail has failed of all the good things God, your God, promised you. It has all happened.  Nothing left undone- not so much as a word.

[1] Huffington, Arianna.  On Becoming Fearless.  New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2006., pg. 24

"Today's Little Lift" from Jim Bullington

Mercy and not Sacrifice (Sept. 30, 2010)