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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
There is always that one thing each of us has that is the most difficult for us to completely surrender to God, that one thing that can potentially pull us away from God. We want X and we don’t see the results coming fast enough in attaining X, so we hit the gas pedal and try to accelerate the progress. We take matters in to our own hands and exchange God’s promises for our own plan. ‘X’ marks the spot and it is up to each of us to truly know what our X is. It can be that next step in our career, a relationship, family, owning property/possessions, our physical fitness. We each have one. As I found myself battling my X I dug deeper into Sarah’s story in Genesis.
Sarah was real. She started off having immense faith and then went through a really ugly period in her life where she chose to take matters into her own hands and did some crazy things as a result of her lack of faith in God. In the end God brought her through, she changed and drew close to him again.
Sarah was married to a wealthy man, who, no mater how much he messed up, God continued to protect, restore and grant more wealth to (Gen12:5,13:2). Sarah was beautiful. At the age of 65 she was so desirable that Pharaoh wanted to add her to his harem. God had rescued Sarah from the hands and bed of Pharaoh even when Abraham lied and tried to pass her as his own sister out of fear for his own life (Genesis 12:10-13:2). During this same time she had also seen God lead them and provide for them during a time of great famine (Gen12:10). Sarah was faithful to God and trusted his plan even during these most trying times. And those were the good days!
God promised Abraham children at least four times between chapters 12-15. In Genesis 15:5 God intimately paints him a picture:
"Look up at the heavens and count the stars-if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."
The NIV study bible notes that on a clear night more than 8,000 stars are clearly visible in the darkness of a Near East night.
Sarah was with Abraham and God was with Sarah during this entire journey. Yet when God made this promise to Abraham she convinced herself that she was no longer part of the plan. For Sarah providing a male heir to her husband was her X. It was her duty as a good wife and it was the desire of her heart.
Gen16:2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family though her.
Sarah lost her mind! She believed the lie that she was forgotten and that God was withholding something from her. She believed the same lie that Adam and Eve did in the Garden. She lost sight of all the ways God had and continued to provide for her. When we say we are no longer chosen by God we are saying he is a liar. We insult God and shorthand only ourselves. God had shown Sarah as well as Abraham just how great he was but because she could not comprehend the plan she chose to devise her own.
She tried to “help” the plan along by coming up with one that made sense to her. I have done this. How many of us when we don’t see an answer within a desired time frame jump to the same conclusions? We devise our own plan that seems to still “fit.” When I read this in the past I could not believe how she could ever rationalize this plan to herself much less her husband. How desperate they must have both felt. Yet we often too devise plans that sell us so short. God wants so much more for us.
I can just imagine her pushing this plan onto Abraham and thinking herself noble and sacrificial. In Sarah’s plan God does not get the glory, Sarah does. When I set plans out for myself, many times I have to stop and ask myself, “Does God get the glory out of this plan or will I?” In other situations, "Am I paying attention to someone because of how it makes me feel and what I get out of it or am I genuinely giving without expectation?" In the end, like Sarah, we see some times sooner than others, how our own plan can lead to bitterness, hatred and many consequences that affect others negatively.
Ishmael is born to Abraham at 86 (Gen16:15-16) and God does not appear to him again for another 13 years (Genesis 17:1). Sometimes God will let us go through with our plan for a while before he re-appears. No matter how many messes we get ourselves into He comes through again and again with an alternative solution - His.
Genesis 17:16 I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her." (also see Genesis 17:15-16,19, Genesis 18:10-15)
This time when God comes he calls Sarah by name. He reassures her that she had not been cut out of the plan and yet she still doubted (Gen17:12). Because God was doing something in a different way she scoffed at his plan. Often God reassures us, but we are so focused on what we want and how it should arrive, that we miss God’s promises. At this point Sarah had pulled away from God and lost sight of his character, power and nature. Her plan had gotten away from her and stole her joy.
Genesis 21:1 Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. (see Genesis 21:1-7)
God had not forgotten her. Even when she doubted, he did not go back on his promise. He kept his word. A year later Sarah bore Isaac. Often his plan for us is something we truly cannot fathom, but risk missing out on if we aren’t willing to seek his ways over our own. God fulfills his promises at the exact time that he determines. In Gen21:6 Sarah repents and praises God. When we are willing to obey and wait we are enabled to see just how much greater he truly is. Sometimes his plan may be different than mine but it is always better.
God kept his promise to Sarah and he keeps his promises to us. Sarah was 90 years old when she had Isaac. It is important to remember that it’s not about waiting until we are 90 for some earthy reward. It’s about having the heart to wait as long as it takes for his plan because we intimately know the one who we are waiting on and how much greater He truly is. Think of how much joy she missed out on and how much misery she brought into her life as a result of loosing sight of God. So what’s your X? Do you have a back up plan in case God doesn’t come through the way you envision it? I chucked my back up plan a long time ago but the mind is a mine field and the battle continues daily to choose his plan over my own and to wait in expectation as he reveals it.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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