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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
On Sunday evening I was sure I would be sharing this week's column on contentment and my recent victory in it. Then I woke up and it was Monday and I was sent running back to the scripture which reassured me so much in the previous week of how this contentment thing really works- when it’s actually put to the test.
Romans 5:2-5 (Mssg) 2And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us.
I have often pictured myself facing multiple doors. I thought, “Open the wrong door and that’s it you lose everything. So don’t screw it up. Pressure is on, make sure you chose the right door!” But the more I got to know God’s character the more I realized that that’s not who He is. God wants to bless my way no matter which door I chose to walk through, as long as my heart is to glorify Him. No matter what decision I make I will always face moments of doubt and things will go wrong on any given path, but that does not mean it’s the wrong path. It just means God is squeezing me a bit in order for me to draw closer to him and He will squeeze me no matter what the path. So as I job hunt and face decisions on where to go in my career and which options to pursue, I can question which path is right, but ultimately if I want to glorify God in either path He is willing to bless it. I just need to make a choice and be content in whatever He reveals. He will not always make it clear. Sometimes he will just give me options. Each option provides opportunities to see His glory in a different way. Each option will test my faith in a different way.
We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand--out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 3There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 4and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.
I have been shouting Gods' praise even when I have felt hemmed in, but sometimes, I feel like I’m shouting all the louder to convince myself most of all. It’s like when you first ride a bike and hit those wobbly moments. One minute you’re cruising and the next you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you don’t so much have control of the bike and lose balance for a split second. In that split second it takes everything not to drop your feet off the pedals to the ground, but to ride through the wobbles.
So Monday rolled around and my resume still didn’t look how I wanted it to, I was still not convinced of my latest cover letter, and that decision that I was so content in, well I was second guessing it. As I waited to hear back from the uncertain semi-offers I got wobbly; I began to doubt and became impatient. I lost my alertness. As I write these words I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, but then again that’s always a good revelation. I don’t know what I’m doing, but He does! I need to just stop and let Him work so He can forge virtue in me. God knows what He’s doing I just have to trust his heart.
5In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary--we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
I told a friend recently that I was questioning if I was strong enough. Her reply to this statement was that God would keep me, not because I am strong or weak, but because of His Holy Spirit inside of me. When I feel “not good enough” or doubt my abilities or talents in my field of work I have to remember verse 5. Firstly, God will never short change me and secondly He will pour blessings into my life through His Spirit. He has me right where He wants me, I’m just being squeezed at the moment so the place where He has me may not feel all that great. It’s ok, there is an entire week a head of me to step out on faith and rely on the Spirit.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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