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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

You Know You'de Rather Be A Coward!
Date Posted: July 24, 2007

It takes genuine courage to trust God. It’s a lot easier to just be a coward because cowardice behavior is generally more acceptable and excusable. Trusting God can be like a Trust Fall, which I have done many times in activities with my peers, as well as trainees in my field of work. You blindfold a person and have them fall backwards into someone’s arms. As I have myself participated in this I remember feeling completely over-confident when I first tipped from my heals and began to tumble backwards, but how quickly my confidence was shattered when my body began to shift from just being at an angle to almost parallel and I still did not feel hands bracing my back! I got that twisting knot feeling in the pit of my stomach and throat and fear griped my chest and it was at that very moment when my partner caught me inches from the ground.

Proverbs3:3,5-7 (Message) 3Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.

When I see the command in verse three the first thing that comes to mind is that if I am being warned against losing my grip than for sure there will be times that I will do just that. I have indeed lost my grip on God’s love and loyalty and I have done so when I tried to make sense of things for myself.

5Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. 6Listen for GOD's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. 7Don't assume that you know it all. Run to GOD! Run from evil!

Trust is me shifting my focus from how I see and make sense of a given situation and instead turning back to seek God’s nature. If I can just get to a point in my prayer or thinking process where I begin to dwell on God’s nature as I know it from the scriptures I can acknowledge Him and trust a bit more in that very moment.

It takes courage to trust because trusting for me has also meant shifting from praying and hoping for clarity to praying and trusting in the absence of clarity because as Paula Rinehart writes, “The path will always appear no clearer than one little step at a time.”

I don’t think I have ever truly understood trust in this way. I have tried to “trust” that God would give me what I want, as well as how I want to get it. I have also tired to “trust” that God would provide clarity where there was none or catch me right before I hit the ground. Instead I am learning that God will let me fall a bit longer than I am comfortable with, He won’t give clarity, and His plan almost never resembles mine in any way shape or form. So as I face the big unknown career wise and ask what's next for my life in all its many aspects, I can feel challenged by the call to truly trust.

Brannan Manning once wrote, “The scandal of God’s silence in the most heartbreaking hours of our journey is perceived in retrospect as veiled tender presence and a passage into pure trust that is not at the mercy of the response it receives.”

So when the scripture says to “trust in the Lord always” all of a sudden as I get older and my life experiences broaden, along with the experience of pain and/or things and events that just don’t make sense to me, the emphasis on ALWAYS is amplified in my heart as the call to trust becomes not just a matter of surrender or hope, but all out war to hear God’s voice among so many other murmurs. It takes courage to keep straining to listen.

In my darkest moments a quote that really has always helped me to regain perspective has been,

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” (Unknown Author)

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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