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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
As I prepare for my next work assignment I reflect on what’s most important. I have to write up a plan for my friends and family in case something happens to me. As I think of the things I have and who should get what, as well as who needs to be contacted in case of emergency, I also began to wonder if there is anything I have left unsaid. My work, my life experiences, as well as my faith, always bring me back to this place of perspective. I was created for something greater and at the end of the day I ask myself, “Is my life making a positive impact?
Jer1:5 (NIV) “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…”
Each of us has been called to our own personal greatness but often we play it small and safe, or we simply buy into a lie and settle for so much less. Recently, I had a man befriend me who was only interested in sleeping with me. As his intentions became apparent it really hurt me and made me feel insignificant. It made me question my worth and value. It hurt to think that someone could think so little of me as to only see value in me for this one thing. Each of us is worth so much more and yet to be diminished to so little was enough to make me queasy. I questioned if I had done something to give him the idea that I thought so little of myself. I questioned my own motives and where I drew my security from. It made me ashamed of my vanity and the many times I deferred to my looks or flirting for attention to make me feel better about myself. It was embarrassing as well as sobering.
Ps45:11 (NIV) The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.
I also felt bad for the guy, who, as all of us is capable of and worth so much more. At the end of the day we long for worthwhile and meaningful connections with people even when we settle for less. Why settle for shallow, meaningless connections that can potentially leave scars and possibly haunt us?
Dt7:7-8 (NIV) “The Lord did not set his affections on you and chose you because you were more numerous than other people, for you were the fewest of all people. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you…”
God’s love for us has nothing to do with who we are and everything to do with who he is. The more we know him the more we can accept this and the more we are equipped to fight the lies this world tells us about our ‘value’ and how to truly live life to the full.
When I am disappointed with certain circumstances in my life and do not get gut level honest about them with God and others I leave myself vulnerable to buy into the lie that I am worthy of less. I can quickly seek attention and affection from all the wrong things and people. In order to rectify this I have learned that it’s ok to feel angry and disappointed with God, to admit it and then allow him to work through my disappointment with me in order to restore me.
Ezk37:1-6 (NIV) 1The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know." 4Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.'"
Despite life’s circumstances God’s love is unmoving, even when I do not see it. Sometimes he allows me to enter a valley but it is not to make me question my worth, it is to help me remember my worth to him. Jesus died for the truth; the truth that we are loved by the creator of this universe in ways we cannot comprehend most of the time. We are meant for greater things, meaningful human connections, and adventures that impact us and others. When I embrace my greater purpose, it is impossible to settle for anything less.
“What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.” – Danish Proverb (as quoted in Purpose Driven Life)
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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