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There was a loud, long crack that reverberated into every fiber of my being. Then everything split apart and crashed to earth. It sounded like clanging cymbals rather than tinkling glass.

I'm talking about my world as I knew it. The crack was when the Sheriff put a notice on my back door that if we didn’t move by the end of the week, all our stuff would be outside by the street. Our home of over ten years was repossessed. Then the crash was when my teenage daughters came home from school and found their father in bed with two whores. That was special.

It was enough to jar me awake, but not enough for me to beg God to reveal all the truth. I was not ready for that, yet. God commanded me to forgive and to forget. It was a monumental thing to do. I could not do it. I tried, but the pain was so intense. The momentum of life had crashed to a screeching halt and my insides slammed against each other, rattling around like marbles in a glass jar. I had to forgive, though.

Forgiving someone for something like that does not happen overnight, in a few days, or even a few weeks. Forgiveness is a process of steps that we humans are not capable of enacting by ourselves for any permanency. It is possible for us to stuff all those hurt feelings into a box, slam the lid on it, and sit on the lid for a time. But, the feelings are still there. Feelings validated by our sense of justice that is just as much God-given as love, faith, and hope. Our sense of justice is bruised by the knowledge that we’ve been done wrong.

This causes a whirlpool of emotions. We know we must forgive as Jesus forgave us. We know we are mere humans and do not have the capability to be God-like in the forgiving business. Nor can we love unconditionally. Nor can we keep every jot and tittle of the law. However, the Holy Spirit has the power to do it if we allow Him access to that box full of unsaintly emotions. The key is to recognize our limitations are unfettered through the power of the Holy Spirit.

God forgave through me; I was too hurt, too angry and too devastated to attempt forgiveness. A couple of years passed by and I had forgiven, or so I thought as well as buried myself in a half bottle of alcohol a day habit. Then my husband did it again. I did not have it in me to deal with it. I realized then that my life would never be the same again.

Not just my heart, but my whole being was held together with a bit of Scotch tape. All the hope had leaked out of the cracks, and I was passing through life as an automaton rather than living.

I'd like to say, “Then one day...”

That never happened. My life did not turn around in one day, the hope did not come back, and my friend alcohol took up permanent residence in my cabinet under the bathroom sink for four more years. I did find a church home that helped me to heal; patched me up with their prayers. Funny as in strange how people in the church where the both of you go regularly do not want to deal with the question of divorce, do not want to take sides, and how the pastor will not confront the sin or at least council through all the pain and turmoil. But, I had to remember the church is full of frail humanity, and has all the failings of humanity as well.

This is so difficult to write and I want to delete everything I have written so far and go plant some flowers. It is so tempting to go down a garden path instead of focusing on why I started this column... perhaps series of columns.

There is such a thing as godly divorce. Divorce and the Christian is a much studied subject. I think Bible students crave absolution for their own divorce as much or perhaps more than they want to understand what the Bible says about the subject.

First and the most important fact is what Jesus told Peter: We should forgive our brothers 70 times 7 times if he causes offense, and he repents and comes asking forgiveness. It is not a suggestion, but a command. If we ourselves are forgiven by God, then we are to forgive. We cannot do anything less as His children. Probably the hardest thing to do is forgive the betrayal of trust and love when a spouse commits adultery. A key concept in those verses of Matthew 18 is “brother” meaning one of the faith, a walker of The Way. Notice in Matthew 18:17 that if the one who offended does not hear the one offended, or the two that went with the offended, or the church who councils then the one who offended is to be treated as a heathen, set out of the church. This is a recurring theme: Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 17:3-4, Mark 11:25-26,2Corinthians 2,1John.

Luke makes a point of the offender going to the person offended and asking forgiveness. Here is another key concept, and one that is rarely considered.

Let me ask a question. Does God forgive those who do not repent of their sins?

Remorse is totally different than repentance. If the husband (as in my case) is remorseful but calls it repentance and then a year later does the same thing with two whores... that is a covenant breaker. God gave permission for my divorce because of fornication on my husband's part with no repentance and no change of heart even after 3 years of waiting for him to do so.

When Jesus talked about adultery and divorce in Matthew 5, He was clarifying divorce was for one thing only and that was infidelity, pornea, sexual perversion. The Jews had devised all manner of divorcements from burning food, too much salt, and even dusty houses. Those were frivolous and Jesus clarified that fornication was the only reason for divorce contrary to what the going thing for divorcing was of the day or even as far back as in Moses’ day when the Bill of Divorcement was a Certificate of Innocence. This certificate freed up the divorced person from any guilt and allowed her to remarry without the stigma of adultery. According to the Mosaic Law in Deuteronomy 24, the man divorced the wife, not the wife divorcing the man. This is the karithuwth. It is a legal divorce caused by some unseemly thing or behavior of the wife. Not adultery, which accrued a death penalty. This karithuwth occurs only three times in scripture, here in Deuteronomy 24:1, Isaiah 50:1, and Jeremiah 3:8.

Isaiah 50:1 God asks the question, ‘Where is the scroll of your mother’s divorce whom I have put away?’ I have read that Isaiah 50:1 was the future divorce of Judah. Regardless, Israel was scattered and destroyed as a nation because of her infidelity. Judah not only saw what happened to Israel, she was exiled for 70 years for her own infidelity. For 400 silent years she was shalach “put away” from God. In Jeremiah we see the lists of things Israel was guilty of... there is no innocence on her part nor on the part of Judah. The Bill of Divorcement was the decree of innocence of adultery or pornea, which stopped the death penalty. The “put away” wife is shalach, which is found more than 1,000 times in scripture.

Joseph was going to quietly “put away” Mary because he knew he had never impregnated her, therefore she must be guilty of adultery. Quietly meant no bill of divorcement to be declared in the courts for he truly thought her guilty. Secretly putting her away, but she would still have the child which would declare her guilt... he could not give her a Certificate of innocence. Then God stepped in by sending an angel to declare her innocence to her betrothed husband. Joseph immediately got up in the middle of the night and took her to wife as God commanded.

The Declaration of Innocence was the release of obligation of legal matrimony. Jesus did not repeat the “write her a bill of divorcement” in Matthew 5:32. If anyone kicks out or sets at liberty a wife without that Certificate of Innocence then that man causes her to commit adultery. There is no “if she marry again” clause in there. It is assumed that she will marry again. It is the guilty husband who causes the sin...or the guilty wife!

However, Jesus set everything back into place when He declared that divorce was only permitted in the case of fornication. When two people are Christian and they are married, divorce is not an option. Just as we are to forgive our sisters and brothers in Christ 70 times 7 times, we are to depend upon the LORD to work in the hearts of our Christians spouses, to draw them back into His will and His relationship.

Divorce from unbelievers is different. Paul tells us not to seek divorce from our unbelieving spouses, but if they desire to split, we are not to fight it and we are not obligated under law (1 Corinthians 7:15) as Christian married couples are. How do we know if we are married to a believer or an unbeliever? By their fruit. That is the only way. I fear, though, some folks will get to Heaven smelling like smoke, for their fruit is sparse.

"Voice of Inspiration" from Andy Castro

Psalms 91:13