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I live alone. Well, sort of. My dog Shelby, who is 12 years old, lives with me too. I have some amazing friends that I often get together with for dinner and such. My family lives nearby and while we do talk on the phone we don't see each other very often. I live in a condominium community and I have some close neighbors. We always wave and sometimes speak when we see each other. I work from home, but I do interact with a number of people on the phone and sometimes in person. I attend an awesome church where I'm involved in several ministries and a wonderful community group that meets once a week.

Despite the fact that I am surrounded by people in various ways… I still feel very much alone. It is a feeling I try very hard to ignore. That is until I'm faced with a situation where I need help and no one is there.

This feeling has hit me hard in the face these past two weeks. I suppose part of it is the culture shock of coming home from a mission trip. During my mission trip I was surrounded by people 24/7. We ate together, rode together, walked together, worshiped together, cried together, laughed together, and sang together. We were "together." Then I came home and went back to being alone. It's been hard to adjust. I miss the "togetherness."

While my situation can't even begin to compare to those suffering from the effects of Katrina, my condo was recently flooded as a result of the remnants of Katrina coming through my neighborhood - ruining my carpet and floors. It's really just been an inconvenience more than anything. I've had to pack up all my belongings downstairs and move them out to have the floors and carpet replaced.

I've spent hours upon hours packing things up, moving boxes, unpacking boxes, putting things away. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And it's not over. It would have been nice to have some help. But I didn't ask anyone. I didn't want to impose or inconvenience anyone. What if I asked someone for help and they said no? I didn't want to be rejected. It seems almost better to not ask and never know the answer than to ask for help and hear no.

When I was a child I remember telling my parents, "I can do it all by myself." I don't think it's something our parents intentionally taught us… but it's something instinctive in our nature to want to "do it ourselves." This attitude of independence we develop as a child is something we carry into adulthood – an attitude that eventually becomes one of pride.

So, why do I have so much pride when it comes to asking for help? I have held on to the belief that I can do it "all by myself." I can also recall the pain of asking some people very close to me for help several years ago and hearing the words "now's not a good time." I have no desire to experience this kind of pain again and therefore operating in "protection-mode" I don't want to give anyone the chance to say no to me – so I don't ask for help.

One of the first things God tells us in His word is that it's not good for us to be alone. So why do we allow it… all the while longing for some connection? Personally, I believe it is the result of our sin nature. We can see in Adam and Eve's sin, the desire to want to do things apart from their closest friend – God.

I have bought the lie. The lie that Satan sold Adam and Eve… the lie that says "I can do it all by myself." And yet this goes completely against what God's word tells us.

"Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4 NKJV

Why is it so hard for me, for us, to ask for help when we need it? Why have we been led to believe that asking for help is something to be ashamed of?

It's no wonder we are lonely. We've spent so much time trying to "do it ourselves" we are afraid to ask for what we need and perhaps we don't even know what it is we need.

But we are most definitely missing out on being "together." What we all desperately need is community.

It is not God's will for us to be alone and lonely. In fact, in the opening verses of Genesis, God makes that very observation – "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)

We need people who can show friendship to us, and we need people to whom we can be a friend – a spiritual friend.

One of the reasons why many of us may feel lonely is that in what friendships we have, there is a lack of consistency. We can't depend on them, and they can't depend on us.

But in building a true spiritual friendship, God would have us to be consistent. "A friend loves at all times." Not sometimes. Not when it is convenient. But at all times. Real friends put aside their self-serving agenda and help when and where it's needed.

How often do we need the friendship of another person? All the time. We need someone who can simply be there for us. I'm not talking just about those nights when there is an ambulance in the driveway or your boss has just fired you or your husband/boyfriend has left you. I'm also talking about those days when nothing tragic has happened, but you've just had a no-good lousy miserable day.

Are you willing to embrace the mark of spiritual friendship? If so, then you have to be willing to carry one another's burdens. You need to look after the interests of not only yourself, but of others. Mutual support and encouragement – no spiritual friendship will be successful without those. Authenticity. You are honest about who you are and how you feel.

Most of us spend so much time and energy trying to be something we are not in the eyes of others. We deceive others about who we are. We pretend to be something we are not.

We've got to learn to be real – with ourselves and with each other. It is only then we can live in authentic community. We've got to be willing to look outside ourselves and see those around us who are in need and be willing to put our own needs aside to help our neighbors, friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers. We've also got to learn, I've got to learn, how to ask for help when it's needed. And even if someone lets us down, says no, disappoints us – be willing to forgive and show grace and mercy – just as Christ did for each of us.

Don't you know we let Him down all the time and yet He still loves us.

I guess that's where I find the greatest comfort. I must always remember that no matter where I am, or who I'm with… or even how I feel… I'm never alone.

"Today's Little Lift" from Jim Bullington

Mercy and not Sacrifice (Sept. 30, 2010)