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Single Minded
by Michelle Brinson
You have relieved me in my distress;
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.
Psalm 4:1 NASB
"Dear God, it's hard to see through the tears I am crying. I'm tired, alone, lost and confused. I'm haunted by my past and tormented by my present. I'm afraid to even look ahead. Please see me, even though I can't see you. Please comfort me. Please wipe away my tears and fill my soul with joy once again. Signed, Me"
Do you ever write letters like that to God?
I do. David did. So can you. God desires honesty from you.
It's funny how stress can really mess you up. Not funny ha ha, but funny strange.
For me, I can't sleep and yet all I want to do is sleep. When I finally am able to sleep, I'm plagued by nightmares and find myself waking up in a cold sweat unsure of where I am or what has happened. By the time I am able to go back to sleep, morning has come and it's time to get up and get going. During the day I feel the pressure building inside of me… ready to explode at any moment. The ones who know me recognize the signs… heavy sighing is one of the most noticeable. My least favorite is the nervous itching that attacks my arms or legs. It feels as though I am being eaten alive by fire ants. Before I can stop myself, I've clawed my skin leaving behind more scars. I could take enough Benadryl to stop an elephant in its tracks and yet it doesn't phase me. Stress also reduces my ability to fight off everyday viruses because inevitably I become sick with a cold or the flu. Typically a migraine surfaces – but so far I've been lucky this time. My self-esteem also suffers and my "evil" twin makes an appearance.
I start questioning myself. Doubting everything. Did I make a wrong turn somewhere? Why me? Why now? Can I go back an undo what I've done? I'm angry! I'm mad! I'm angry and mad at myself. I'm angry and mad at the world. I don't like this situation I've found myself in. I feel stuck. I know it's not a permanent stuck – it's only temporary. But right now… I'm just spinning my wheels, losing traction, and wasting energy. What do I do now, in the midst of my tears and my anger?
I grab my Bible. I read Psalm 4. I pray.
He is listening.
The LORD receives my prayer.
Psalm 6:9 NASB
He hears my cries.
The LORD hears when I call to Him.
Psalm 4:3 NASB
He knows each tear I cry.
Put my tears in Your bottle
Are they not in Your book?
Psalm 56:8 NASB
He replaces my tears with joy.
Psalm 126:5 NASB
I know He is watching.
And He watches all his paths.
Proverbs 5:21 NASB
I am so weary and tired. He gives me strength.
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Isaiah 4:29 NASB
I am humbled by His amazing love for me.
John 3:16 NASB
He loves you and me so much that He gave His son's life in exchange for ours. God so desperately wants to hear from you. He wants you to spend time with Him. He desires your heart more than anything. Even when you are filled with sadness, anger, frustration, He still loves you and wants you to come to Him and lay all your burdens at His feet. He will take them and turn them into joy.
Give Him your hurts. Give Him your heart. Give Him your time. Give Him your life. He'll give you compassion, love, mercy, peace, grace, and eternal life.
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:21-23 NIV
He is faithful to answer us whenever we call.
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Michelle sees her marriage as a ministry and desires for it and herself to be used by God. She and her husband and son are active members of their church. She is also passionate about spreading the good news locally as well as internationally via mission trips to East Africa and wherever else the Lord leads.
Michelle is a talented writer and speaker who prays God will use her in sharing His hope and truths to those who are hurting and in need of love.
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