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...rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

1 Peter 3:4 NKJV

I just recently celebrated my 6 month wedding anniversary. Maybe celebrate isn't the right word... survived, endured, accomplished - those words might be more fitting than celebrated.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But getting married at the age of 37 hasn't been as easy as I initially thought it would. Although I was married once before, I've been "single again" for a long time. And of course, having gone through a divorce many years ago was enough to make me think twice before getting married again. In fact, I waited 10 years.

During those 10 years a lot of things happened. I bought my own house. I bought my own car. I paid my own bills. I took care of me. I didn't have to worry about anyone else. It's easy to become selfish and self-centered when you don't have to concern yourself with anyone else's needs but your own. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. There wasn't a need to adapt or be flexible - because for the most part, I lived alone. There were times when I had roommates, but for the most part, we each did our own thing. So, for the most part - I was selfish and self-centered... but didn't really realize it.

I also became a Christian during that time. I started reading the Bible and trying to learn from God's word what was necessary in order to have a godly marriage. Initially, my list of wants in a husband was long. I wanted a tall man with a sense of humor. I wanted someone who liked football. I wanted him to have brown eyes. But the more I read Scripture, the more I realized my list wasn't really that important. One thing eventually became very clear to me... I was not to marry someone who wasn't also a follower of Jesus Christ.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?

2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV

Knowing this compelled me to read as much as I could on marriage and relationships. I started with the Bible, but also included a great number of Christian books. I had hoped in those ten years, all the reading I'd done would have prepared me for what was to come.

First and foremost, nothing comes close to what the Bible teaches on the subject of husbands and wives, marriage and love. These verses are so valuable and should be treasured above all else when it comes to understanding God's plan for husbands and wives.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

1 Peter 3:1-7 NIV

These are just two passages of Scripture that are rich with meaning regarding marriage.

But there's only so much you can learn by reading. There are some things you just have to learn simply by doing them.

Being a wife - and not just any wife, but a godly wife, a wife God would be pleased with - well, it isn't easy. And no matter how many times I've read these passages, living them out are way harder than I imagined. And no matter how many books I read - nothing prepared me for the real thing.

As my husband and I have sought to adjust to this... there have been so many lessons to learn.

Communication is key.

Listening is so important.

The truth is foundational.

But most importantly, we must walk in the Spirit because our flesh is weak, we can be prideful and our hearts are deceitful.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-25 NKJV

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jeremiah 17:9 KJV

Outside of God, one of my favorite authors on the topic of marriage is Gary Thomas. The subtitle on his book, Sacred Marriage, says "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

After being married for 6 months to the most amazing man I know... a man who's heart is so bent toward Christ... a man I love more than anything... a man who treats me like a princess... and yet there are times when we struggle to communicate, when it's easier to say a harsh word than to treat the other with respect.... this man who I married and want to spend the rest of my life with... I know that being married isn't so much about being happy (although it would be great to be happy 24/7) - but I do see how God uses marriage to make us more holy.

Being holy isn't something that comes easily or naturally for anyone I know - other than Jesus. Jesus came to set the example for us. It's what we are to strive for... to become more like Him.

Marriage definitely takes things up a notch. You can't be selfish or self-centered and be married. It's a recipe for disaster.

Here are the things I'm working on these days with regards to my walk with Christ.

I want to die to self daily as in 1 Corinthians 15:31.

I want to have the quiet and gentle spirit that is described in 1 Peter 3:4.

I want to submit to my husband as to the Lord as in Ephesians 5:22.

I want to bring glory to God in all I do as in Matthew 5:16.

Father God, thank you so much for your instruction on marriage that is divinely given to us through the Scriptures. I praise You and give You honor and glory for considering me worthy to be a wife to my husband. I ask for Your assistance through the work of Your Holy Spirit to empower me to be the godly wife I so desire and that I know You have planned for me. Father, I pray for all of those who are husbands, wives or have plans to one day become a husband or a wife... that You would also inspire them to seek Your face and Your word in their marriage. I know the enemy is lurking, he is seeking to kill, steal and destroy anything that would bring glory to You. But I also know that the enemy is a LIAR and he doesn't have a say so in my marriage or the marriage of any other believer. We are covered by Your mercy and Your grace. We have victory in You and I claim that as a promise You have made for every believer. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. You are more than worthy. In the mighty and powerful name of Jesus I pray! Amen!

"'Winging It" from Stan Smith

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