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Oh what I would give to be truly known.

I've been hiding. I put up walls and don't want to let anyone in. Seems like every time I let someone get in, get close, I get hurt. I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of the pain.

So, I pretend it doesn't matter. I put on a mask and hide behind a smile. They don't know do they? They can't tell, can they? I've worn this mask for so long, sometimes I forget it's even there. I've gotten pretty good at hiding behind it.

If you never let anyone see the real you, then they can't hurt you, can they? At least that's what I keep telling myself.

But them bam – out of the blue – something or someone comes along and knocks me for a loop and the mask either falls off or gets pushed to the side and a little glimpse of the real me is exposed. It's terrifying. What if I'm known and not accepted?

There's a part of me that really wants to be known. Only if in being known – every part of me was completely exposed – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The parts of me that not only wants to love others, but also struggles with anger, bitterness and distrust. The part of me that not only sees the world as a beautiful place, but also complains about the weather, traffic, and bills forgetting how blessed I am. The part of me that thinks not so nice thoughts. The part of me that sins and yet is still loved unconditionally. The me that is accepted and not rejected.

No one knows "the real me" – no one that is, except for Jesus. He's the only one that sees it all and loves me anyway. It doesn't matter how hard I try to hide from Him – He still sees me – scars and all. In fact, He's the one who made me. He's the one who heals me.

As Jesus told Thomas after His resurrection, look at My hands (John 20:27). When we see the nail-scarred hands of Jesus, we see how He has engraved us on the palms of His hands. With such love, how could God ever forget His us?

While I may still struggle with letting others know "the real me" – there is someone who truly knows me. He sees me and He calls me beautiful anyway.

He sees you the same way.., beautiful.

It would be nice if I could take this mask off and let myself be known. I wonder out loud if there's anyone out there who could handle the real me…but on the inside I wonder if I could handle letting myself be known by anyone other than Jesus.

It's something I struggle with every day. Other than Jesus, is there anyone out there who even wants to see "the real me"? And if I did let them see – would they love me anyway?

I'm not sure. But as I struggle with all these questions… I can take comfort in the fact that Jesus knows me and loves me still.

"The Way" from Kevin Pauley

The First Sin