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Single Minded
by Michelle Brinson
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
As a single person my friends are often the ones I turn to when a married person would turn to their spouse like when I'm sick and need medicine or my car breaks down and I need a ride. Requests like these may not seem like a big deal to someone who is married because their spouse is practically obligated to respond. There's little chance a husband would tell his wife, "Sorry honey, I've got another commitment. I'm sure you can find someone else to help you." But often times, singles will hear something similar from someone they consider a friend someone they thought they could count on.
Unfortunately, for many singles, there is no one else but a friend to turn to because that's all they have. I think as singles sometimes we become very selfish, self-serving and not always thoughtful. We've become used to doing our own thing and not being flexible enough to put our own needs aside for the sake of someone else's need.
Who can you call when your car breaks down? You are sick and need food or medicine? What about when your world falls apart? Do you have a friend that will stand by you when no one else will? Do you have a friend you can count on?
If you can not think of someone who fills this spot in your life, then I challenge you to ask yourself this hard question, "Am I willing to be that kind of friend to someone else?" Because before you can expect that from someone else, you've got to be willing to be that kind of person first.
Perhaps you've never had a friend like that and you have no idea what being a friend like that even looks like. Here are just a few suggestions as to what it takes to be more than just a good friend, but a great friend.
Time Most relationships fail because of neglect. Just like a garden you can't just plant the seeds and hope for the best. You have to tend to it if you want to see fruit. You've got to water what you've planted, make sure it gets plenty of sunshine and pull weeds when necessary. Friendships are the same way. You've got to make time. A friend will make time for each other's significant life events, moments of crisis, and just as meaningful - in the midst of the mundane and every day. Just look at Jesus He is the perfect example of someone who was willing to make time for His friends.
Forgiveness - Every friend you have will one day disappoint you. You can count on it. They are human. That's why a lasting friendship depends so much on forgiveness. Some disagreements should be overlooked and forgotten; but there are others that need profound forgiveness. Forgiveness is something God has offered each of us; shouldn't we be willing to offer the same to our friend?
Compassionate Caring - Without caring compassionately about your friend, friendship is impossible. Caring involves both your heart and your head. Care says that whatever happens to you happens to me. When you are sad, I am sad. When something terrific happens to you, I rejoice myself. We go through this together.
Trust If you are not willing to trust your friend then you are in for a shallow friendship. Sharing your secrets helps you explore what's troubling you and helps you get to the root of what you are holding in your heart. You need to tell your secrets to people who are trustworthy and consider it a privilege to hear what's on your mind. Trusting one another will lead to an incredibly deep and authentic friendship.
Honesty This is a must. I have often said I would rather know the truth and not like it than to be told a lie and find out the truth later on. The pain of the lie and lack of honesty is most times worse than the actual lie itself. There must be a willingness to speak the truth, and a willingness to hear the truth.
Faithfulness - A great friend will not desert you, even when you are in trouble, or when it costs them something to remain your friend. A friend will stand by you.
Laughter - It is the fuel that keeps great friendships going. It's what enables friends to help each other cope in the midst of crisis and monotony. Laughter can truly be a good medicine.
Staying Power - A defining trait of a great friend is the ability to stick with you in the bad times. But sometimes the true test of a friend's staying power is in his or her ability to be supportive when things are going well. A great friend will spread the good news and be happy for your achievements. They will be your cheerleader and root for you all the way.
Prayer - Prayer takes friendship into the deepest and most intimate level. It involves God in the relationship, and makes all these other things doable.
Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)
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Michelle sees her marriage as a ministry and desires for it and herself to be used by God. She and her husband and son are active members of their church. She is also passionate about spreading the good news locally as well as internationally via mission trips to East Africa and wherever else the Lord leads.
Michelle is a talented writer and speaker who prays God will use her in sharing His hope and truths to those who are hurting and in need of love.
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