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My entire life, I have believed God’s will for me was to encourage others with disabilities and afflictions. After all, there is a reason I talk and walk differently from other. Having a passion for writing with the gift of introspection and a brain that (unlike my physical abilities) is able to cognitively process information, the way I am created has made my purpose in life evident – until a few months ago. I’ve been struggling to discover why I am here since obviously God still has work for me to do since he hasn’t called me home to heaven. I am fine not having a husband… I am quite happy not having children… but not having a purpose, at least not knowing His purpose for me, is unbearable. Yesterday, while driving to a meeting with a pastor, I was thinking about how I am failing to make a dent in the world around me. As usual with depression, I started feeling self-pity, wondering why I keep fighting, why can’t I just go home? Of course, the decision to leave this earth is not mine so I have no choice in the matter. I thought about Jesus, how he was rejected and denied even by his closest friends (i.e. Peter) yet he kept doing His Father’s will. He stayed focus on His mission, knowing and doing what truly mattered. I want to be like Jesus. As I sat at the red light, I told God, “Jesus knew what his purpose was… I don’t know what Your will for me is so I can’t focus on my purpose.” I don’t know what my vocational purpose is or how God wants me to live for Him. I do know that I want to be like Jesus – and that is one of the few things in life that never changes. My frustration is not knowing how my disability and writing plays in the picture. But maybe I have the picture too narrow. Maybe I am concentrating so much on seeing the vision that I am missing the big picture. After all, even Jesus didn’t have all the answers as he asked the Father why he had forsaken him (Matthew 27:46). As I spoke with the pastor, I felt as if I was the recipient of a group hug as we discussed things related to being part of the Body of Christ, being part of a church family. I was reminded how much I am cared for and loved. I was assured, once again, that I was going to be okay and I am not in this alone. When it all comes down to it, isn’t that what is most important? To know Jesus loves us and will never let us go? Truly, regardless of what is in our bank account, refrigerator, or family album, none of it matters without feeling safe and loved. Jesus gave up everything to give us that security and love. But we must accept it, take the gift. As Christians, being like Jesus is our universal purpose. Even if our job duties are unclear, we must show up for work. God will tell us where he needs us to work. Until he does, sit at his feet and wait. He may want you to stay and talk with him awhile, free from distractions. Not only does he have the Master Plan, he has everything taken care of… including you. Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. – Colossians 3:1,2

"God's Words For US" from Cecelia Lester

Renew a Right Spirit

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