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The Way
by Kevin Pauley
Not many days later, the younger son gathered together all he had and traveled to a distant country, where he squandered his estate in foolish living. After he had spent everything, a severe famine struck that country, and he had nothing. - Luke 15:13-14 HCSB
The apostle cautioned, “Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals.”[1] I doubt the young prodigal went through his entire inheritance alone. The Greek for “foolish living” is “asotos zao”. “Asotos” means “dissolute, riotous or profligate”. It’s rather difficult to live a dissolute life alone. There were fellow sinners egging him on in his foolishness.
It is critical to discover who else is influencing your wayward child and work toward separating him from those who would entice him into sin.[2] One explanation for the difference in kids all raised in the same family with the same rules could be the role of the "non-shared environment." Who influences their behavior outside the home setting? Who are your children's role models? Every child has one. Is the child influenced by a favorite teacher or by a violent, out of control super athlete? Do you know who your child's friends are? How well do you know them?
Just because a person claims to be a Christian does not make it so. Just because a person wears a clerical collar or is called pastor doesn’t make them godly. Just because a person defines themselves as your friend doesn’t mean they are actually putting your needs ahead of their own. This important for you to identify these people so you know who the “players” on the field are.
This is also important to point out to the wayward child. They will want to identify with and listen to others. They need to know how to identify friends and foes. The Bible says that the way to do that is to look at their “fruit”.[3] Do you truly want to take marriage advice from someone whose marriages have failed repeatedly? Do you want to take financial advice from someone who is bankrupt?
Plan for the future. Hashem has promised that the godly can look forward to happiness.[4] He said, “Surely you have future ahead of you; your hope will not be disappointed.”[5] Don’t allow your concerns over your child ruin your other relationships. Don’t allow it to cause you to grow bitter and nasty. First, they need to see that your way produces happiness and hope. If your way only produces bitterness and arguments, why should they want to listen to you?
Second, in their rebellion against your chosen way, they are expecting only wrath. It is surprising to still be loved when you are rejecting someone. It throws them off. It keeps them off balance and paying attention. As another passage puts it “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”[6]
Third, young people need worthy goals. Help your child develop a plan. Do this especially when they are in disagreement with you because it helps them realize that you still love them and have hope for your relationship and their future.[7]
[1] 1 Corinthians 15:33 cp 5:6
[5] Proverbs 23:17-18 cp 24:13-14
[7] 1 Corinthians 13:7,13 love hopes
Kevin Pauley is a pastor and writer. He lives in Illinois with his wife, Lynn, their five children and two dogs. His internet address is Berea.
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