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by Kevin Pauley
His wife said to him, "Do you still retain your integrity? Curse God and die!" - Job 2:9 HCSB
One of the worst elements of a divorce is the apparent need each spouse has to “win.” Each will try to deceive the other. Each will try to not give important information so that the other spouse will look bad. This urge, part of our yetzer hara, must be overcome. Even a believer will struggle with it. At least they struggle. An unbeliever will often simply lie and cheat, seemingly completely unhindered by their conscience.
Once we have caught a person in lies, we need to start giving what they say less and less weight. Their statements as to our motivations or our character should mean less and less to us. Lying is a fundamental character flaw that affects everything else. It darkens the liar’s mind.[1]A person who has consistently suppressed the truth in their lives and lived contrary to the Scriptures and even common sense, has darkened their own minds. Their wisest thoughts are nonsense. We need to think carefully before listening to such a person.
As we are being helped by friends, family and (hopefully) our church’s elders, we must be willing to listen to constructive criticism but be wise in distinguishing what is lashing out and what is actually constructive.[2] Not everyone is clear in their loyalties. Not everyone is necessarily “on our side.”
In the end, we will know who gave us wise advice. The godly person who points us in the direction of God’s will shall be recognized in the long run. Those fools who keep hurting people with their foolishness will find themselves alone and without respect. If we recognize a fool, then we would be wise to cut them off quickly. It is harmful to allow them to deceive us with their vain human philosophies. We should do this before it’s too late.
Sometimes we naturally struggle with issues of self-worth. Having our marriage fall apart doesn’t help this. If one spouse is particularly intelligent, they may choose to use our feelings of inadequacy against us. We need to make sure that we don’t get bamboozled by a smooth talker who is primarily using emotional arguments. Getting the advice of several wise people who have demonstrated their success in following the scriptures and lead healthy lifestyles will protect us from error.[3]
We should also take the person’s motivations into account. Why they are saying things is just as important as what they are saying because it relates to how they will implement the plan. They could say one thing and do another if their heart is wrong.[4]
We must not let ourselves be persuaded to follow a plan that we know in our hearts is wrong.[5]We must be very wary of allowing an unrighteous person to lead us into any activity. Treachery and ulterior motives are a hallmark of sin.[6]
Kevin Pauley is a pastor and writer. He lives in Illinois with his wife, Lynn, their five children and two dogs. His internet address is Berea.
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