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Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, to make her holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. – Ephesians 5:24-26 HCSB

Christians tend to fall on one of two ends of the spectrum when it comes to the lines of authority within a marriage. On the one hand, some feel that saying that the man is the head of the home means that he is allowed to dominate his wife. I find this view execrable in view of the fact that Christ is clearly our Head[1] and yet became a servant and died for our sake.[2]

On the other hand, some feel that equality within the marriage implies that there is no clearly identified leader. Again, I flatly disagree with this view because it goes directly against the plain reading of the Scriptures which clearly say that the husband is the head of the wife,[3] is to take the leadership in the relationship,[4] and that a holy woman will submit herself to this relationship.[5]

I believe a balanced and healthy view comes from an understanding of what type of leadership the man is to offer. Briefly, he is to be his wife’s “savior”, her hero, the one who keeps her physically, emotionally and spiritually safe.[6] The world blares that men are romantic oafs, but the Bible teaches that the husband is to be the source of sacrificial love.[7] He is to take spiritual leadership in the relationship, washing his wife in the Word,[8] trying to keep her pure and holy, untainted by the world’s wickedness.[9] He is to place her needs ahead of his own, caring for her as he does his own flesh.[10] He is to take the initiative in the relationship, not waiting to be poked, prodded or nagged to establish and maintain the new home.[11]

Should the man lead? Absolutely. However it is a humble, self-sacrificing, even self-effacing servant leadership the Bible commands. Gentlemen, if your wife is having difficulty submitting to you, it’s probably because you are being a jackass. Any holy woman would love to follow a man who puts her needs ahead of his own and daily lays his life down for her.

Wives are to demonstrate respectful submission to their husbands.[12] This is in fact the best way to encourage husbands to take their rightful place as the servant-leaders of the home. Men love to be their wives’ heroes. They love to be the “bug killer” or the “he-man jar opener.” I’m not saying be silly and stroke his ego no matter what he does. However, you should encourage the good in him and discourage the sin. Isn’t this is the nature of true love?[13]

[1] Ephesians 5:23 cp Philippians 2:9-11

[2] Ephesians 5:25 cp Philippians 2:5-8

[3] Ephesians 5:23

[4] Ephesians 5:25-31

[5] Ephesians 5:24,33

[6] Ephesians 5:23

[7] Ephesians 5:25; Colossians 3:19

[8] John 15:3; Psalm 119:9; Jeremiah 4:14; 2 Corinthians 7:1

[9] Ephesians 5:25-26

[10] Ephesians 5:28-29,32

[11] Ephesians 5:31

[12] Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:6

[13] Romans 12:9

"Inspiration For You" from Randy Mitchell

Watching Your Dollars Fly Away