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by Kevin Pauley
Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful fawn--let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever. - Proverbs 5:18-19 HCSB
A couple once went through a struggle in their marriage. They had been together for ten years, yet without having a child. As time went on, the barrenness became a larger and larger issue in their minds, until finally they were arguing constantly. They didn’t argue about this principle issue but it was the subconscious underlying problem. They picked at all kinds of little things, sniping at each other, fussing and fighting over inconsequentials until they finally decided to divorce.
Being children of God, their consciences bothered them about their decision so they went to a righteous elder and asked for his opinion on the matter. Surprisingly, he agreed to bring their request for a get[1] to the elders on one condition: they had to have a party before their divorce and during this party they had to remember all the good times they’d had together.
Reluctantly, they obeyed him. They arranged for all their friends and family to gather at their house and celebrate their ten years of marriage. Needless to say, many of their loved ones were confused by the prospect of partying before a divorce but when they were asked to help remember all the good times, they acquiesced.
Hour after hour everyone talked about how the couple had first met, fallen in love and courted. The various funny stories that always accompany human relationships began to come up and soon everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves.
After a while, as the party was about end, the man turned to his wife and with tears in his eyes told her that though they were unable to have children, he still loved her and that she could take anything she wanted with her. She looked at the beautiful house, the expensive belongings and the car in the driveway. Then she turned, placed her hand on her husband’s arm and said, “I take you.”
Marriage is not simply a practical way to continue the species. Its main purpose is not to accumulate wealth, or to receive social approbation. Marriage is a celebration of love. It should be constantly bathed in the waters of gratitude and sprinkled with the perfume of mutual service until it is a respected and pure relationship.[2]
When we lose that focus of mutual pleasure and respect and begin instead to allow other considerations to take first place, the rot of ego begins to creep in. We start thinking that the relationship should service our wants. The little abrasions of daily neglect begin to cut deep until the marriage is hemorrhaging love and is on its death bed.
True romance is characterized by patient kindness – by unselfish consideration and forbearance.[3] For a good example, consider how our Groom loved us.[4]
[1] A religious divorce
Kevin Pauley is a pastor and writer. He lives in Illinois with his wife, Lynn, their five children and two dogs. His internet address is Berea.
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