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In the case of abuse

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to peace. - 1 Corinthians 7:15 HCSB

To this point in our series on divorce, we have seen that if a believer leaves outside of the two allowable conditions of porneia or abandonment he/she must not remarry, but must continue to seek reconciliation.[1] Paul argued that in light of Christ's command, she/he may not marry again. Rather, the separated or divorced couple is to be reconciled. Clearly, the ideal is that marriage should not be permanently disrupted.

There are two circumstances in which God allows divorce and remarriage. This is devar mishnah – clear settled law:

1. if sexual infidelity on the part of one spouse instigated the divorce,
2. if one’s spouse abandoned the vows.

However, I believe that there is a third circumstance that is shikul ha da’at (a matter not settled and left to the understanding of an individual elder): spousal abuse. I say that abandonment is to “abandon the vow” rather than just “abandon the spouse” because of the particular problem of spousal abuse. Just because an abusive spouse refuses to leave the house does not mean that he/she has not abandoned you. Therefore, I believe that spousal abuse may be considered an adequate reason to grant a “get”. A “get” is a decree granted by a beit din[2] that a person was rightfully divorced and is now free to remarry.

Physical abuse is a serious crime that Hashem has vowed to punish.[3] One who acts treacherously against his or her spouse had better watch out because he has Yahweh Shaphat Himself as a witness against him.[4] How much greater a crime it is when our Lord commanded us to cherish our spouse and to take into consideration the woman's fragility?[5]

Under any other circumstances, people may temporarily separate or even divorce, but God considers them still “one flesh” and any sexual relationship that they have with someone else, whether they marry them or not, will be considered “adultery” by God (Matthew 5:31).

Marriage is a vow taken before God and anyone who breaks this vow is liable to judgment from God and the church. The only way out of the vow, therefore, is if God gives a way out. If God says you may divorce and freely marry under a certain circumstance, then you MAY divorce. Just because you MAY, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. It simply means it’s a possible course of action.[6]

In conclusion: a “get” and it’s incumbent possibility of remarriage in the church, can only be granted if a person’s previous spouse was sexually unfaithful, abandoned them or (in some cases) was abusive. The first two are devar mishnah (clear, settled law). The last exception is shikul hadaat (determined by the local elders).

[1] 1 Corinthians 7:11

[2] A church’s council of elders gathered to render a judgment

[3] Luke 12:44-46

[4] Malachi 2:14-15

[5] Ephesians 5:25-29; 1 Peter 3:7

[6] Matthew 19:6

"Chip Shots from the Ruff of Life" from Tom Kelley

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