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We receive word of the death of a friend, neighbor, or relative. The next few days are filled with preparations to say farewell to the departed person. If possible, we spend time with the family.

When the person has been close to us, we can go through a time of sadness. Granger Westberg, in his book Good Grief calls what we feel the grief process. He breaks this process into ten steps. These ten steps break down as follow:

Step One: Shock; We receive the phone call. Someone comes to our home and shares the news with us. We can’t respond. .

Step Two: Emotion Expressed; We mumble something about how we will miss the person. We may find the words to express our sorrow about the effect on that family.

Step Three: Depression and Loneliness;If we were close to the departed person, we go through a time of not being ‘with it’. We also feel that no one else understands how we feel.

Step Four: Physical Symptoms of Distress; We may experience headaches, stomach issues, etc. While these may seem mild and unrelated to what we have had in our lives, it may help us to see or physician to see if he or she can help us.

Step Five: Panic; We greet any new suspicious development with fear.

Step Six: Sense of Guilt; We wonder if we had done something differently, would that person have left us.

Step Seven: Anger and Resentment; Wefeel a form of rage at the departed person because he or she has gone away.

Step Eight: Resistance to returning to daily life, We aren’t sure if we can return to the daily routine of life- going to work, seeing friends, going to church.

Step Nine: Gradually Hope Returns; We notice ourselves accepting the fact that we no longer have that person in our life. We feel hope coming into our lives once again.

Step Ten: Struggle to Affirm Reality; We finally come to accept the reality of no longer having that loved one with us. While we don’t get completely over the loss, we have learned to go on from where we are into a new phase of life.

One point that Westberg makes is the experts can’t tell us in what order a person goes through these steps or how long a time he or she spends in each one.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross explores 5 phases,

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of possessions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
3. Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time..."
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with her/his mortality or that of a loved one.*

As Christians, we aren’t to grieve as ones without hope. Paul writes to the Thessalonians, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13 NIV. If our departed loved ones believed in Jesus, we will see them again. We do mourn the loss and we feel sorry for the fact we are left alone. God takes care of the feelings we have. Sometimes, we feel saddened for our loss but our loved ones are blessed- they are with Jesus. We grieve in proportion to the amount we love.

How we grieve is personal. While some cry almost immediately upon hearing of the loss of a close friend; others go on for lengthy times without any visible sign of emotion.

In four days time, the church my husband and I attend lost two of its members. The first one was a sudden death. The man had a heart attack on Sunday afternoon. He walked through their house to get something out of their garage and never came back with the item.

The second member was a lady in her late 50s. She was diagnosed with Cancer not quite four weeks earlier. She had to have a heart procedure done. She came through the procedure ‘okay’ in the morning. She went into Cardiac Arrest and didn’t make it.

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* Wikipedia, Kubler-Ross Model

"Voice of Inspiration" from Andy Castro

Pretzel Love-Psalms 91:14