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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I recently returned from a women’s retreat where the theme was deep friendships. I kind of went with the arrogant attitude of, “Well, I have great deep friendships so this will be fun, but I don’t think I will be learning much this weekend.” Yeah, God quickly snuffed that attitude! I do indeed have great and deep friendships and have surrounded myself with wonderful women; peers, mentors, mentees, or rather God has surrounded me with these women. But there is another side of friendship that was addressed- there is a healthy and an unhealthy way to build Godly friendships. In the past I have built friendships and given too much of my heart to people, resulting in unrealistic expectations and hurt on both sides. I tried to fill the God shaped hole in my heart with people relationships instead of my relationship with God.
Ecc3:11 (NIV) He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I can not fill the eternity He has set in my heart- it is a longing only He can fill. No person or people will ever even come close! Over the years I learned how to prioritize and let God fill me first, enabling me not only to have better friendships, but also to get a glimpse of God through my friendships. But old habits die hard and every once in a while I can, to my shame, forget how God utterly and overwhelmingly fills me. Someone once said that the love of God towards us (me) is like the Amazon River flooding down to water a single daisy.
As I heal from past hurts and self inflicted wounds to the heart I see more clearly my contribution to my own pain. When I am impatient, give into fears and pursue what I want I take control and easily switch back to looking to people to fill my needs, instead of letting God do so. This can quickly hurl me back into an ungodly cycle: I get hurt- I don’t want to trust people for fear of getting hurt, again- I surrender to God overcome the pain by refocusing on him and letting him meet my needs enabling me to see God and how he can work through others in my life- I forget and get insecure and begin to place too much expectation on people- I get hurt- and the cycle starts all over again. It’s kind of like a frizzy hamster in one of those little wheels, but even the hamster gets bored with going in circles and gets off!
1Peter4:1-2 (the message) Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your suffering as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.
v7 Stay wide awake in prayer.
It doesn’t really matter whether the friendship is with a person of the same gender or of the opposite sex, I know plenty of married women who can still fall in this trap and lose sight of God replacing him with their husband. I know that God is teaching me this know in order to prepare me for something greater, whether it’s with my best girl friends or the men in my life, He wants to ensure that He always fills me first. I may be suffering right know, but I can not heal unless I suffer. I may be learning this lesson again, as I have in the past, but He is exposing my stubbornness to me in a whole new light. Just because I no longer scream and yell about what I want or have a fit and whine, like I did when I was a child, does not mean I am not still being tyrannized by my desires. I did not see this a couple months ago, nor did I see it a few weeks ago, but I see it all the more clearly now. People will hurt me, because of their sin as well as because of my own. But if I can cling to God first, He will allow me to see a glimpse of him in my friendships. So I keep giving my heart and push through the fear and pain because ultimately it’s about getting to Heaven and I can not get there on my own. With the right perspective God and those He uses in my life keep me from doing silly things like streaking even when it seems like a good idea.
2Cor5:2 (NIV) Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.
(The Message) Sometimes we can hardly wait to move – and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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