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I am an emotional person. Take note as I don’t put such statements in writing often and I’m sure it will come back to bite me in some way. Usually, I like to think of myself more as a passionate person. The term emotional has always sounded so negative and unruly. Passion is after all driven by emotion and there is a fine balance between controlled directed emotion and out of control emotion. There have been times when I have not only acted out of emotions but have indeed let them take over. Recently however, I have had some major victories in this area of my life. Over the past few months God has been refining this part of my character in a major way and putting me to the test and, can I just say, the more I was tested, the better the responses became! I went from falling flat on my face and being a slave to my emotions, to catching myself after the fact and having a, “DOH! (Homer Simpson moment)”, to finally catching myself amidst the wave and letting it pass. Let me tell you that last stage felt absolutely freeing.

Reading The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren, I came across an insight that flipped a switch in my head,

“Don’t wait to feel powerful or confident. Move ahead in your weakness, doing the right thing in spite of your fears and feelings. This is how you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and it is how your character develops.” (p175)

Many times when faced with a moment of anger, fear, want, you name it, I have felt weak. I have let the emotion overtake me and have given in to as if I had no other choice. I let the emotion become a larger anomaly than it really was.

Ephesians 4:22 (msg) Take on an entirely new way of life—a God fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

It’s such a simple command or suggestion, to do the right thing in spite of emotion, yet in the moment it takes a lot of work to act against the emotion.

John 14:1 (msg) Don’t let this throw you. You trust God don’t you? Trust me.

It takes a conscious decision in the moment to trust Jesus. It takes a mind change. “To change your life you must change the way you think. Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is promoted by an attitude.” (Warren, Rick, Purpose Driven Life, p181) To actually change the way I think takes a ridiculous amount of effort and energy, especially with all the thoughts I have rambling through my mind!

There is another key factor to this battle with emotion and that’s will power. For a long time I would try to will myself to do the right thing and would feel so discouraged when the ‘decisions’ would not stick or I would, rashly, make the emotion based choice. I agree with Warren who noted that will power only produces short term change and creates constant internal stress because it usually means I haven’t really dealt with the root cause which leads to my failing. I haven’t made the effort to change my thinking. I have just been fighting the behavior and not addressing the cause. The change doesn’t feel natural so eventually I give up and give in.

I also have trouble grasping the concept of letting go. In a way, when an emotion is strong in the moment, to instruct someone to let go is like asking a person to let go of the rope that’s dangling them 1,000 feet in the air over a cliff or telling a drowning person to just calm down and paddle! What type of nonsense is that? These instructions were wasted on me because if you were instructing me to let go of one thing, I needed something else to grab on to, I’m no fool. Who in that moment would let go with out grasping for something else even if like an idiot it’s just grasping for air (that’s that will power thing)? In order to let go of one thing I need to grab on to something else- Jesus. It has taken me many years to do this in practice and practically in the moment.

Ephesians 4:23 (NLT) There must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes.

My spiritual and character growth takes intentional commitment. I must want to grow, decide to change, make an effort to grow and persist in growing. I have to do this on purpose. Too often I have given up and given in to my emotions and have not been committed to intentionally make the right decision. I have not been purpose driven but emotion driven. In the moment I was lazy and as a result I have gotten the mess shook out of me. Thinking back I must say, “Man, I could have spared myself some bruises and others so much pain if I would have just made a little more effort to be godly in the moment."

Psalm 123:1-2 (NIV) I lift my eyes to you, O God, enthroned in heaven. We look to the Lord our God for his mercy, just as servants keep their eyes on their master, as a slave girl watches her mistress for the slightest signal.

In my most recent victory I felt such relief and release. The emotions came, I was engulfed but I didn’t fight on my own or try to will it into submission. I didn’t rage against the wave or let the feeling drown me. I focused my energy on being surrendered, accepting that it was what it was and then let it go, grabbing instead onto Jesus and His promises. And the most amazing thing happened. It passed! God kept his promise and I got through it. He even used these moments and victories to His glory to help others come to know him. Only as a Christian have I seen what I would consider unforgivable blunders be turned into something amazing and used for ultimate good. This new strength in weakness is deliberate, and trust me when I say once you taste freedom like this, you will fight for it all the more.

James 1:3-5 (Msg) You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.

I'm a work in progress.

"Today's Little Lift" from Jim Bullington

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