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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I knew the millisecond after I hit “send” that I shouldn’t have. It was late, and in the moment it seemed of utmost importance that I send that email right away, but it wasn’t. It was one of those emails that seems so timely, precise and on topic. It’s only after I hit send I realize I should have probably waited a day, or at least ten minutes. The embarrassment flushed my face and turned my stomach.
There is a quote that reads, “Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be.” This is the quote that came to mind this morning as I swallowed down the regret of sending a loaded email pre-maturely.
Pv 29:20 (NIV) Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Sometimes what needs to be said doesn’t need to be heard. Just because I want to say it does not mean the person needs to hear it. The words may weigh heavily on my heart like slabs of short ton marble but speaking them will not necessarily bring relief and may end up doing more damage than good. A reply in haste, most of the time, is rooted in selfishness and doesn’t consider the recipient or the consequences. Still I wonder how many times the man referred to in Proverbs 29:20 spoke in haste before he learned his lesson?
Pv 3:21-23 (NIV) preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.”
Whether it’s that email at work that rubbed me the wrong way, that only took less than five seconds to draft a passive aggressive reply, or that comment from a loved one that pushed a button. Whatever it may be, I am seeing that it requires me to pause and ask, “Why am I really doing this?” and, “What response am I looking for?” When I took the time to answer these questions with brutal honesty it didn’t take long to realize that I had acted in haste. I used poor judgment because I didn’t take the necessary time to assess the situation.
I guess I had one of life’s learning moments. Like most learning moments, it was unpleasant and the consequences of it are not yet clear. I experienced a healthy level of embarrassment that reminded me that I am not God. Sometimes a healthy dose of shame is not such a bad thing as it reminds me that I am not perfect, I am fallible. The lesson learned? Every day I face moments that call for split second decisions, but when I pause to think about it, they really do not. There are things that are better left unsaid, or better said to God first, or even a couple of times over. Wisdom checks even good desires and motives. Next time I need to take the moment to pray or call someone to run my reaction through a second filter and then act accordingly. Sometimes if I just take the time to ask, God promises to freely give the wisdom I need.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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