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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
As I grew up I learned to work hard and through that work ethic I accomplished many things. Over the years I fell in love with the things that I was able to accomplish. Even as I learned that I am saved by God’s grace I allowed my accomplishments to give me a false sense of security thus exposing my tendency toward legalism. For years, in my service in ministry, I fell into the trap of doing things that made me feel good about my own righteousness by loving what I could accomplish. Often, this attitude led to self-righteousness and ultimately, when I faltered or failed it left me feeling lousy. It was more about the things I created to do to feel close to God not realizing that in reality those things stopped me from falling in love with God.
As I prepared for a conference that our ministry hosted this past weekend I took a different approach, putting into practice the lessons of the past few months. In the months nearing this conference I was not trying to control or influence the details as I had in the past, instead I prayed very specifically through them. Rather than trying to do things on my own and get others to agree with me I began to think of ways to include others in the process and desired to hear their approach. I was running on God fuel, which is hope, instead of self-reliance and optimism. I let God work and made every effort to get out of his way because I desired to belong to God more than I desired to feel accomplished or to “do” things. I was now living by grace rather than by legalism as I learned the difference between loving God and being in love with God.
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quite you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Self-reliance is a strong confidence in one’s abilities but for one who believes in God the hinge point cannot be what I am capable of, instead it becomes about what God wants to do through me. It means that I have great confidence that I can handle and face whatever life throws at me because of the one at work within me. This lesson stretches far beyond some event planning, it is crucial for me to ‘check myself’ often and in sobriety to ensure that I am not slipping back into legalistic accomplishment mode in my work, career, relationships, seeking a job, a promotion, even love. It’s a lot easier to slip into what comes easy and seems natural to me and God warns against it.
Jude 18-19 They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Sprit.
No wonder it’s uncomfortable to do the right thing, it’s not in our nature. The irony is though that the more I fall in love with God and do the things that seem so unnatural the more peace I experience. Needless to say that the conference was a great success; people had fun and were impacted by those who shared. Hearing people share, what they had been able to endure and over come because of their hope in heaven and how in love with God they were helped me to see how much more I need to fight to Hope in the right things versus just be optimistic about a future I desire. The fight for holiness is not an easy one and is always a radical one.
20-22But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
When I am in love with God I live by grace. I desire to do more for others because of my love for him. No one needs to tell me how to love him and no sacrifice is too great. Even in these hard times of transition for me I have been tempted to be optimistic instead of hopeful and to long for status and to “do” to feel accomplished and secure. It’s a constant internal struggle.
I learned that optimism and hope is not the same thing. Optimism is a belief in progress, that things will get better but Hope is much more than that. Hope is rooted in something deeper. It is the belief that God is at work to redeem all things regardless of how things happen to be turning out today. Hope does not prevent me from expecting the worst it prepares me for it.
David wanted to belong to God more than he wanted to be king. He’d rather please God and live in a cave then displease God and sit on a throne. At the moment I feel like I am in the cave and I don’t like being here, I hate the feeling of uncertainty in my future and not having accomplishments to hide behind in my insecurity. However, I desire for my mind to be dominated by this one thought: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
Is 1:17-20 Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the causes of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.” For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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