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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
Failure in the face of progress is like a big slap in the face. You think you are doing so well and then, wham! As I’ve been growing in compassion for others, trying to be more considerate and more vulnerable I have also been cut a lot deeper when hurt. I guess it comes with the territory but it definitely does not feel good. It hurts even more when not everyone seems to see my progress. I recently discovered I have hurt some people in my life with the things I say. I don’t know who they are, but it pains me to know that my actions have hurt them. Now lets face it, we have all been there, talked about that is, and most of us have at some point said something in passing about someone else, or been on the receiving end of this type of information. People will talk; when hurt, people will vent.
Matthew 18:15 (NIV) "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV) 21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Ok, so that must be one of my least favorite scriptures in the bible when it is calling me to forgive. However, this same verse is one I so desperately seek out when it is someone else’s mercy I desire. It hurts to know someone could not come to me and share how I’ve hurt them. It made me feel as though whatever I had done must have been so bad it left no room in their heart to love me a little more to forgive me and give me another chance.
Ephesians 4:3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Initially, I was discouraged. Initially I chalked this up to a personal defeat. I made an effort at being more loving and caring and obviously I had failed. Your failures may take on a different form but they will sting just the same. All of us experience failure, and none of us like it. However, for some people failure can push us onto new learning, deeper persistence and more courage in our heart. For others failure produces utter defeat, loss of hope and discouragement, a desire to hide. It’s up to me to decide what it will produce in me. In this particular failed situation I am still called to be a peace maker and even if none of those people ever come to me I am still called to change and to love all those in my path. I was tempted to hide but I chose not to.
I have no excuse, in my arrogance, foolishness, or insecurity, I hurt others with my words. I can’t take that back. I can only choose how I will respond to this failure. I can change who I am today and strive to be better. Ultimately, we are called to unity for a higher purpose: that of sharing with others the gift that we have received by faith. It is Satan’s greatest ploy to prevent us from doing so and to divide us. Friendly fire hurts like crazy but it is just that and eventually we must shift our weapons back onto the enemy and away from each other to win as many as possible.
John href="http://www.studylight.org/desk/?query=joh+13:35&translation=niv&st=1&new=1&sr=1&l=en">John 13:35 (NIV) By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
This is the most powerful testimony of who Jesus is in my life; it is my love for others. Do not let your failures, whatever they may be, hold you back from becoming a greater you and helping others be greater also. Genuine love, which is from God, can sometimes come in the form of persistence in the face of setbacks. I failed, I got hurt but my calling has not changed.
Ephesians 5:1 (NIV) 1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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