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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I am about to embark on a new adventure. It’s a trip I have been planning for months. It has been thought through and well planned. Yet the closer the time drew to my departure the more anxious I became. When I first made the decision to take this trip it was for all the right reasons; to help, to serve, to learn, to give back. Now I was finding myself focusing on the heat, the bugs, and the uncomfortable conditions. Alarms began to go off in my head wondering if I could rise above my circumstances, rely on God in the situation and conduct myself accordingly. In the past when I felt uncomfortable and vulnerable I easily deferred to my own self-reliant mechanisms for provision and protection. As a result I made many mistakes.
Rom4:7-8 Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.
Every once in a while I am afraid of repeating past mistakes. Over the past few months I have been learning and growing so much that this trip almost seems like a test. I can have a fear of failing or not measuring up and I lose sight of the fact I am covered. Each time I step into a new situation, God has got me covered! The past will not be counted against me. I have a new slate and a new start. When I forget this, I can so easily become self-focused and self-reliant again. When I forget how covered I am and by whom, I want to rely on my accomplishments and my own provisions. My thinking warps into believing that I need to be comfortable before I can give to others. This is my sinful nature.
Rom8:5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6[…] , but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
Where I choose to place my reliance reveals the size of my God. When I make God small the consequences are living in fear and anxiety because of self-reliance, my mood is governed by my circumstances, I can offer prayers without faith and service without joy.
When I rely on the Spirit my mind is at peace. My comfort comes from God and allows me to put others first.
2 Corinthians 1:4-5 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Worship and gratitude help me to remember how grand God really is. Worship helps me to magnify God. It brings about new understanding in me of who God is. The past few weeks have been a fight for gratitude and genuine worship, a fight I am now winning. I recognize how every aspect of this trip planning so far has been one puzzle piece perfectly clicking into place after another. My eyes are opened and I breathe a sigh of relief. My anxiety is transformed once again into excitement when it becomes about what I can give and learn versus what I will get out of it. I can listen to God’s voice as he calls me to get out of the boat, take courage and obey (like he did Peter in the gospel of Matthew 14). Every time I get out of the boat God gets bigger because I have a deeper understanding of who it is in the boat with me.
Romans 8:14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.
It’s about recognizing and claiming my sonship. I am covered and I am His daughter. When I get out of the boat I am never quite the same. My worship is never quite the same. So this is me, getting out of the boat and onto a plane. Whatever the result, whether I sink or swim, something will have changed. I will understand God better. This is another opportunity to trust and obey. God will grow bigger than past failures, the bugs, the heat and the anxiety.
Ephesians 1:18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…
“One of the most accurate marks of authentic spiritual growth is that it turns one outward, not inward.” – E. Lavender
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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