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A few weeks ago my mom passed away. Before you think this might be a depressing post, let me assure you nothing could be further from the truth.

I’ve been sad and lonely for a while only for myself, but for Mom I am rejoicing greatly. For me, it is difficult to get past the accident and the last few days of her life. Memories of the accident, the trip to the hospital – actually three hospital emergency rooms – and the intensive care unit where we could only visit a few minutes at a time keep replaying. Satan is trying his best to accuse me and throw those thought bombs in my head that I didn't take good enough care of Mom, or that I could have prevented it. It's all smoke and mirrors, though. I know. Too often the anger and blame we feel after a loved one passes away lands in the fertile field of our own mind. Let's remember, our days are numbered just like the hairs of our head. We cannot make ourselves taller or shorter, what makes us think that we can prevent what God ordains?

An accident in the home is difficult because (at first) every time I passed the spot I thought about it and her. Now, not so much. I'm remembering the sweet times and the joy and the friendship and all that encouragement that I soaked up. That is priceless. Mom is now dancing with Jesus and she's with all her loved ones and friends that went on before her. It's good.

Now here’s the meat.

People in the know have told me that since we lived together for nearly twenty years, I'll still get up to go tell her something or say to myself, "I cant wait to share that with Mom!" It's all part of that eternal soul thing. Souls are eternal, and it is unspiritual (unnatural) for souls to be separated with one still in the physical world and the other now living in the spiritual world. It is why grief is so intense. It is why Jesus was so grief-filled when the Jews rejected Him. He knew the separation between Him and them would not be bridged. There is nothing that can bridge the gap between Heaven and Hell.

When soul indwelled by the Holy Spirit parts from another Holy Spirit-indwelled soul, somehow the soul left behind knows it's only temporary and is comforted.

Remember when Jesus told the disciples that Lazarus was merely sleeping and the disciples thought it was good because sleep helps a sick person? To Jesus, who understood this soul separation as a temporary thing, it was only a matter of earth-defined time before all souls indwelled by the Holy Spirit would be together again in Heaven. But to prove His power over death, Jesus delayed so there could be no question that Lazarus was dead, and then His power would be revealed.

Since we are made in the image of God, we have the same emotions He has except in a broken-human sort of skew. It was not Jesus' fault that the Jews rejected Him. He did everything in His power to prove His diety, His compassion, and the Truth, and He was still rejected. Jesus felt the same emotions we feel at the death of a loved one because their cemented rejection ensured their death--the second death of no rescue.

I don't actually remember going through all those phases of grief that everyone talks about. Make no mistake, everyone handles grief in a different way. These stages of grief happen in different order, so I’m told/read.I felt guilt, pain of separation, sadness, but every time depression starts to encroach I can't help but think of Mom dancing with Jesus and Dad playing the piano (he never could play, but he wanted to so badly) with soft, bright light infusing the scene and brilliantly white robes swirling around and around. It's both breathtaking and happy.

I think as Christians who have the deep comfort of the Father, the process is not as piercing when we know beyond doubt where our loved one is living now. Or maybe the shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger, depression and isolation are filtered through the Holy Spirit indwelling us.

The Holy Spirit felt all that pain and anguish Jesus felt from the first rejection to the pain and shame of the cross. So, He knows our pain and anguish. And the Holy Spirit spurs the healing process through calming and comforting our souls making our life functional again, accepting and dealing with life without our loved one, and finally the hope that was there from the beginning breaks through like a glorious dawn.

What son or daughter would begrudge our mom a palatial space to live with streets of gold and the foundation of 12 sparkling jewels, or want to take mom away from Jesus Himself? Unthinkable!

David has a wonderful prayer in Psalm 31 that depicts how we should handle our grief, what grief feels like, and how to break through it. This Psalm is titled: Into Your Hands I Commit My Spirit. It is something Jesus quoted on the cross. That is the kind of grief that I hope never to suffer in full. I’ve experienced betrayal, lost love, contempt, rejection, and spiritual pain and physical pain. But I’ve never experienced them all in a single moment or while nailed to a cross.

Into Your Hands I Commit My Spirit

Psalm 31

A David psalm. I run to you, GOD; I run for dear life. Don't let me down! Take me seriously this time! Get down on my level and listen, and please--no procrastination! Your granite cave is a hiding place, your high cliff nest a place of safety. You're my cave to hide in, my cliff to sit upon. Be my safe leader, be my true mountain guide.

Free me from hidden traps; I want to hide in you. I've put my life in your hands. You won't drop me, you'll never let me down.

I hate all this silly religion, but you, GOD, I trust.

I'm leaping and singing in the circle of your love; you saw my pain, you disarmed my tormentors, You didn't leave me in their clutches but gave me room to breathe.

Be kind to me, GOD -- I'm in deep, deep trouble again. I've cried my eyes out; I feel hollow inside. My life leaks away, groan by groan; my years fade out in sighs. My troubles have worn me out, turned my bones to powder.

To my enemies I'm a monster; I'm ridiculed by the neighbors. My friends are horrified; they cross the street to avoid me. They want to blot me from memory, forget me like a corpse in a grave, discard me like a broken dish in the trash. The street-talk gossip has me "criminally insane"! Behind locked doors they plot how to ruin me for good.

Desperate, I throw myself on you: you are my God! Hour by hour I place my days in your hand, safe from the hands out to get me. Warm me, your servant, with a smile; save me because you love me.

Don't embarrass me by not showing up; I've given you plenty of notice. Embarrass the wicked, stand them up, and leave them stupidly shaking their heads as they drift down to hell. Gag those loudmouthed liars who heckle me, your follower, with jeers and catcalls.

What a stack of blessings you have piled up for those who worship you, ready and waiting for all who run to you to escape an unkind world. You hide them safely away from the opposition. As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces, you silence the poisonous gossip.

Blessed GOD! His love is the wonder of the world. Trapped by a siege, I panicked. "Out of sight, out of mind," I said. But you heard me say it, you heard and listened.

Love GOD, all you saints; GOD takes care of all who stay close to him, But he pays back in full those arrogant enough to go it alone. Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up. Expect GOD to get here soon.

[Editor's note: This Psalm 31 paraphrase is from The Message.]

"Voice of Inspiration" from Andy Castro

Pretzel Love-Psalms 91:14