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Chip Shots from the Ruff of Life

    by Tom Kelley

January 23, 2020

I recently took over our dining room table. It is now covered with a thousand pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The puzzle, a rather beautiful montage of lighthouse illustrations and facts, was given me by a family at the Berea Christian Church across from the Kentucky Horsepark here in the heart of the Bluegrass. I have just now gotten it out to assemble it as a result of some cleaning my wife did. She found it.

I have been collecting lighthouses for some time now and the puzzle has a number of the lighthouses I have in my collection illustrated within it. The border is a row of…  ( Click for more )

January 16, 2020

This past week has been a difficult one for me. An upper respiratory infection moved in and took over. It sapped my strength leaving me so weak that I was constantly falling asleep. I couldn't concentrate enough to write this column nor stay awake long enough to do so. Fits of incessant coughing also got the best of me making me exhausted from sometimes fifteen minutes of continual coughing.

I was not able to get into a doctor's office until Friday so, for three days, I bore the brunt of the infection and struggled to make a go of it. My wife's birthday was Thursday evening…  ( Click for more )

January 9, 2020

We use them on an almost daily basis. They power many infrequently used items and also some that are constanly used. They are batteries. Yeah, the good ole A, AA, AAA, B, C, D and 9 volt. We have them in games, pda's, phones; you name it, batteries power it. Batteries were, for the longest time acredited to the work of Alessandro Volta. Hence the term, "volt", to describe their power.

However, less than fifty years ago a clay jar some five inches high and three inches across began to change our previously held historical view of the battery. A group of clay jars made by…  ( Click for more )

January 2, 2020

The envelope is old and brown. It is nothing more than a regular number 10 (I think that's right) envelope. My Great Grandmother Swiss had it first, then my Grandmother Kelly (her daughter), then my Dad and now me. I received it when we moved Mom and Dad to Florida in January, 1998. I did not expect to be using the envelope's contents as quickly as I did when Dad passed it on to me.

Dad gave it to me one day in December of 1997. The postmark on the envelope is December 6, 1948. The address, which will seem strange in this day of exact addresses and even nine digit zip codes,…  ( Click for more )

December 26, 2019

There are professional golfers and then there are those rare men who play golf for a living. The professional golfers are those for whom the game is not a job. It is their identity. Some years ago I talked with Hubert Green in an airport in Columbus, Ohio as he was coming in for the Memorial Tournament at Jack's place in Dublin. (for those who do not watch golf, that's Muirfield Village Golf Club designed by Jack Nicklaus)

Hubert Green told me that many golfers would not be able to do much of anything else if there were not golf in their lives. Some dabble in course design,…  ( Click for more )

December 19, 2019

"How hard can it be?" I heard a young man ask that of three comrades one afternoon in Upstate New York as they were preparing to go off the high dive at a local swimming pool. How hard indeed? I remember asking the same thing on a number of occasions. One of them involved water. For some reason hard and water just never seem to go together.

I watched as the one young man climbed the tower to the high dive some twelve feet above the level of the decking for the pool. "You have to do a dive," shouted one of his buddies. Again came the reply, "No problem. How hard can it be?"…  ( Click for more )

December 12, 2019

Nestled in the bowels of the state of Pennsylvania, Northeast of Pittsburgh, is a quiet little town of some six thousand or so residents. When you enter the town you are greeted by an enormous billboard that describes the town's most famous resident. When you read this billboard you realize that you are in that place where he lives. The name of the town is Punxsutawney. The celebrety of note? None other than Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog.

Today is Groundhog Day, one of my favorite days. Each year I anxiously await this day to see if Phil is going to come out of his hole…  ( Click for more )

December 5, 2019

"Size matters." We hear that quite often. Also, "dynamite comes in small packages." In the world of animals the size adage seems to hold true. A small cat can scratch you very badly. But a big cat can literally eat you. The small lizards that scamper all over the houses in the south are totally harmless. The big boys that occupy the streams, ponds and swamps of the south; well, let's just say people can disappear if they choose the wrong swimming hole.

From the plodding elephant to the tank-like rhinoceros to the snow white polar bear, size does carry its own benefits in…  ( Click for more )

November 28, 2019

"The proof is in the pudding." That old saying has been around for a long time. I'm told it originated with someone who was getting ready to make some pudding and had some rather interesting ingredients which, by themselves, were not too delectible. The cook told the worry warts not to be concerned because, well, you get the picture.

How often have we set out to do something and tried to do it with materials that just don't seem suited for the task? Naysayers come out of the woodwork and, even though we are sure what we are doing is being done right with the necessary materials,…  ( Click for more )

November 21, 2019

We have the Sumerians to thank for being the first to record their language for writing purposes. The nod goes to Johann Gutenberg for the first movable type printing press. The first mechanical copier, known as a book press, was invented by none other than James Watt of modern steam engine fame. However, the name you need to know is Chester Carlson.

For every one of you who crank out a newsletter, do a family Christmas letter or have to make multiple copies of handouts, you would be at a loss to do so without Chester Carlson. He is the father of xerography. Photocopying.…  ( Click for more )

November 14, 2019

I started following professional sports before I started public school. I have personally witnessed a number of amazing feats and fascinating happenings. I saw the Russian defeat of the American Olympic basketball team when it took three clock resets to accomplish it. I saw Mark McGwire hit number 62, Cal Ripken Jr. play in number 2,131.

I have also seen some things that just baffle the mind and make one ask oneself, "Did I just see that?" Jim Marshall's return of a fumble for the Minnesota Vikings against the San Francisco 49ers the wrong way stands out. As does the infamous…  ( Click for more )

November 7, 2019

I can hardly believe it has been twenty years. This date has long been etched in my memory banks as one of the more frustrating ones in my life. Some days do that. They burn deeply into our memories and do not allow us to forget them. Some are bad memories while others are good ones. This one is neither. This one is just frustrating.

I was working with the Empire State Evangelizing Association, Syracuse, New York in one of their church plants in Cortland. We had been there for almost five years and financially my family and I were struggling. Our quick remark to each other…  ( Click for more )

October 31, 2019

Remy Ledoux. If that name doesn't look familiar to you don't worry. It really shouldn't be. That is, unless you are one who fancies him or herself as a purveyor of ancient treasures. According to legends, and some historical documents, Remy Ledoux was the soul survivor of a group of Frenchmen from New Orleans who struck it rich in the gold mines of the San Juan Mountains in Colorado.

In the late 18th century a party of Frenchmen from New Orleans traveled to Colorado on news of massive gold strikes in the San Juan Mountains by the Spanish. In an area now known as Treasure Moutnain…  ( Click for more )

October 24, 2019

Perks. Most of you know what those are. They're the difference makers in pay packages when the wages are close and a choice must be made between two jobs. Perks are the important things that make income really income. Things like having your health insurance covered, complete with a dental and vision plan. Or having a rental car provided for you to drive in your work.

Speaking of rental cars, professional golfers oftan have courtesy cars provided for them for the various tournaments in which they compete. Sometimes those cars are just common automobiles. Sometimes they are…  ( Click for more )

October 17, 2019

Golfers like to be able to enjoy playing the game. Many times we will choose courses that play to our strengths or, as in my case, lack of them. Such as a golfer who has trouble putting the ball in the fairway from the tee will look for a golf course that, though it has rough, is wide open with little or no trees and no out-of-bounds. We like it as easy as we can get it.

Every now and then I personally like to see just how good I am. That is when I try to find a course that magnifies my weaknesses. It is on such courses that I begin to wonder if anyone can ever truly play…  ( Click for more )

October 10, 2019

I had not taken the trip for some time and felt that it was that right time again. It was a beautiful day for January. Sunshine and temperatures in the mid to upper sixties. It seemed like the right time to make the trip from my home in Georgetown, Kentucky to my ancestral burial grounds near London, Ohio. My mother and father are buried there along with my father's parents and a brother-in-law.

It's kind of interesting to me just how the burial site reflects the family. My grandparents, Ora and Leota Kelly (no, that's not a misprint, that's the way Pawpaw spelled his last…  ( Click for more )

October 3, 2019

Napoleon Hill, he of Think and Grow Rich fame, once said, "What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." He has a very valid point. Joe Gawzner, founder of Parrot Products, was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the comfort stations he was encountering across the United States. The bathrooms he was finding in rest areas and truck stops were completely grossing him out.

Tired of accepting the substandard conditions he invented the Enable Kit in March of 2002. Each kit costs $3.79 and includes hand wipes, area and fixture wipes, rubber gloves, toilet…  ( Click for more )

September 26, 2019

You've heard of flying saucers, right? You know, the stuff of UFOs. But have you ever heard of a flying pancake? No, you aren't seeing things in print. I did type, "flying pancake." The flying pancake is a special plane that was built for the government by Vought Aircraft and designed by Charles Zimmerman. The plane was designed to take off and land in a short distance to facilitate its use on carriers.

The V-173 was first built in 1942. Its first flight was on November 23, 1942. The reason it was called the flying pancake is because the plane was designed with a broad…  ( Click for more )

September 19, 2019

The mind can play terrible tricks on us. Hallucinations can seem as real as the world around us. Fantasies can overwhelm us to the point that real relationships mean little or nothing to us. Obesessions are also a trick of the mind and can be just as frustrating and deadly as the other things I have already mentioned. Consider the odd life of one Arnold Schoenberg, the famed Austrian composer.

Schoenberg was born on September 13, 1874. As he grew older he became convinced that he would die on the 13 as well. But what year? He reasoned that it would probably be the year 1951…  ( Click for more )

September 12, 2019

The wildcat is a predator. It makes its livelihood off the carcasses of animals it is able to capture. One of those animals is the rabbit. Or, as many people are prone to refer to them, the bunny. Wildcats in many regions have become very adept in getting the bunny every time and miss few if any. Last night I watched in horror as an entire bevy of wildcats missed getting bunny after bunny. In the end they were still able to secure a gamecock.

The wildcats I watched were the University of Kentucky Wildcats men's basketball team. The "bunnies" they missed were layups, which,…  ( Click for more )

September 5, 2019

First it was a simple weight bench. Then came the membership to the local gym. Then there was the stepper. A nasty device that demanded fast footwork to make it work. Then came the Chuck Norris approved get-rid-of-your-gut-and-make-your-biceps-pop machine. Then came the treadmill to walk off those pounds when the weather did not want to cooperate. Then we added the heavy bag for me to work out on.

The newest addition to the collection is an inobtrusive little device that sets in our living room. We saw it advertized right around Thanksgiving. My wife watched the infomercial…  ( Click for more )

August 29, 2019

Every Sunday morning at the Minorsville Christian Chruch I know that at least one person will be paying attention to me as I preach. Every Sunday morning this young lady's eyes follow me as I preach. Her head comes to attention at the sound of my voice. There are those odd times that she sleeps. But then she is only eleven months old.

Ellie Morgan Hastings was born last year on February 10. She was an instant hit with my wife as February 10 is my wife's birthday. For some reason, from the time she was able to focus her eyes, she has watched me intently. Her extended family…  ( Click for more )

August 22, 2019

It is only one week away. Well, not even a week. Actually it is just days away. It begins Friday. What is IT? The Lexington Golf Show.

Why am I so excited about a golf show? The same reason people are excited about bridal shows, gun shows, car shows, etc. I love golf. There is no other game quite like it. It is the one game where if you do something right it's right because of your skill (or, in my case, blind squirrel luck) and not because of the faliure of another person to stop you as in the three major sports here in America.

It is the only sport where you can…  ( Click for more )

August 15, 2019

It's almost that time again. The same time that rolls around this time of the year every year. It's alomst time to say good-bye to this year. Yep, sure nuff, it's New Year's Eve.

Time to say good-bye to all the mistakes of 2004 and hello to all the opportunities in 2005...to make the same mistakes.

Time to say good-bye to all the problems of 2004 and say hello to all the new problems waiting in 2005.

But...

It's also time to say good-bye to the old friends we may have lost in 2004 and hello to those whose lives we may bless in 2005.

Time to say good-bye to all…  ( Click for more )

August 8, 2019

Tsunami is the Anglicising of an Oriental term for a tidal wave. Tsunamis are caused by a seaquake or volcanic eruption. The tsunami that recently hit the Thailand area was triggered by a massive earthquake the likes of which had not been felt for many years. The devastation is disheartening. Tsunamis develop so suddenly, move so swiftly and reach so far inland that the only escape is not to be within its reach. The power of the water as it ebbs and flows is so great that people cannot resist its force and are swept away.

The deadly nature of the one in Thailand and the carnage…  ( Click for more )

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