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Guano. Know what that is? No it's not what native bearers called the person for whom they worked. That's Bwana. Guano is bird droppings. Yes, the stuff that you see on the sidewalks and on your deck in the peak seasons for birds. I know. It's nasty stuff and probably doesn't belong in a spiritual column. Bear with me and I will explain. By the way, you can be happy that the birds that live around you are not the kind that inhabit a certain area for generation after generation. A little enlightenment.

Fish-eating birds have been depositing their droppings…  ( Click for more )

I can't remember if it was Buck Owens or George Jones who used to sing the song, but one of those two had a hit some twenty-five or so years ago with a little tune called, "I've Got a Tiger by the Tail." The basic gist is that the singer was in a situation that was about to turn around and eat him up. You don't hold a wild animal at bay by holding their tail. Rookie PGA golfer, Nathan Green, didn't have a tiger by the tale over the weekend but he did have a Tiger on his tail.

Going into the final round of the Buick Invitational at Torrey Pines near Sand Diego,…  ( Click for more )

Sneezing. No, you're not seeing things. That's the word. Sneezing. I was told one time that it is physically impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Guess what? I don't want to try. The thought of all that pressure and then having my eyes open when it gets cut loose; well, I just don't want to try it. However, I have another little nugget of info concerning sneezes for you. If you feel a sneeze coming on and you're at the top of the staircase heading down, sneeze first, then head down the stairs.

This past Saturday morning I was getting everything…  ( Click for more )

Guess who turns seventy this year? Let me give you a hint. They were once German but now they are American. They were given a name that came to mean the entire family but more commonly went by the name of a household pest. They died off for a number of years but have recently been resurrected. Still not sure? Okay, one last hint. What motivates them used to be in the back but now it's in the front. Give up? Believe it or not, the Volkswagen Beetle turns seventy this year.

On February 15, 1936 a car company in Germany came out with a new car. It was small and very…  ( Click for more )

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. That's one of those Biblical sayings that isn't really in the Bible. It is drawn from the Book of Ecclesiastes as Solomon reflects on the nature of man at death and what happens to the body when left to decompose. But all Solomon says is, "all are from the dust and all return to dust," (Ecclesiastes 3:20) and "then the dust will return to the earth as it was." (Ecclesiastes 12:7) I'm not sure who originally devised the other statement but it has become a part of our funeral culture over the years.

That "dust to dust" part is the…  ( Click for more )

This past weekend I got to watch a couple of episodes of Bonanza. You know, with Ben Cartwright and his sons, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe. Got a quick trivia question for you. Every time Ben Cartwright introduces Hoss he calls him Hoss. What is Hoss's given name? Time's up. It's Eric. Just thought I'd throw that in for those of you who remember Bonanza. I remember when it first came out we had a black and white TV. It was advertised that Bonanza was in living color, which a lot of programs weren't at that time, and Dad kept saying that it would be great…  ( Click for more )

As the 1950's belonged to the hard charging knight from Latrobe, Pennsylvania, Arnold Palmer, so did the 1960's belong to the burgeoning talents of the chubby kid from Columbus, Ohio, Jack Nicklaus. As the 70's began people wondered who would step forward to challenge the Golden Bear as the new kid on the block for the decade. A number of golfers were poised to have what were thought to be break out careers. Some rose to the occasion from time to time but none that truly challenged Nicklaus, or even Palmer.

Then it happened. A tall blonde haired skinny kid started…  ( Click for more )

Before Christmas I remember watching a commercial on television about a company that offered something wireless. I can't remember right off hand what the product was but I do remember that one of the key figures in the advertisement was a marionette. A marionette is a puppet that is controlled by a gaggle of strings held aloft of the puppet and manipulated so as to make the puppet's extremities move like those of a human. The gist of the ad was that the puppet was impressed by the concept of being wireless and imagined himself as such.

It is from the marionette that…  ( Click for more )

We have reached a time in our society where old is not so much an age issue as it is a technology issue. Granted people still celebrate birthdays which means that each year a person is getting older. However, their aging factor is compared against that of the technology around them. Let me use myself to illustrate. This year I will be fifty-six years old. In some places I am considered a Senior Citizen. In others I am still almost a decade away from being able to merit "the breaks" of advancing age. I rub elbows with people twenty and even thirty years my senior who wish they…  ( Click for more )

I love football. No, not soccer. And not rugby or that stuff they play with Australian rules that is a combination of rugby and football without the pads. I love football, American style. Good old rock 'em, sock 'em, smash mouth football. Especially when the games are as important as they are now where the National Football League is playing its Super Bowl tournament to find who will compete in Super Bowl XL. However, my enjoyment of the games this past weekend was marred. Let me explain.

Because of the physical aspect and timing of football there are abundant…  ( Click for more )

Sidekicks. Maybe you remember them. They used to be fairly common sights. From prime time to Saturday mornings they were readily seen. Even the comics had their fair share of them. Sidekicks. That team of two that worked like one, thought like one and acted like one. Not sure just exactly what I'm talking about? Then take this quick little quiz. Complete the phrase: Laurel and ___________; Rocky and ___________; Batman and ___________. Now do you remember sidekicks?

Funnymen Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy brought physical comedy to new levels. You always got the…  ( Click for more )

Price. What something costs to have it. A local business here in the Bluegrass uses the word price in all its advertising claiming that, "Price sells cars." Of course it does. All things being equal who wouldn't want the product with the lower price? Ah, but there's the rub. There are those who would. There are those who are so product name conscious that price means nothing in choosing the right article for use. It's the name of the brand on the object that means everything.

I have played a lot of golf with guys who buy high-priced golf equipment. Many…  ( Click for more )

This past Monday morning as I was heading up to the local coffee house, the Lock 'N Key, I took my usual route. I headed toward the downtown area of Georgetown by turning left onto Champion Way and then out to U. S. 62. Something odd happened as I got to the junction of Champion Way and 62. I was following a school bus which stopped at the light and let a car go by before turning right. As I was approaching the traffic signal I noticed that the light was still red and that nothing at all was coming from the left on 62. I happened to glance in my rearview mirror and saw a…  ( Click for more )

Back in professional golf's fledgling years there were no big money tournaments. Instead there were exhibitions in which a small purse was offered to try to entice the elite of golf to come and participate. In fact, the practice was to invite (from which the term "invitational tournament" arises) those golfers that were felt to be the best players of the day. Such was the subject of the movie, "Bagger Vance," which pit Bobby Jones, Walter Hagen and the fictional Rannulph Junah against each other for ten thousand dollars.

However, as such exhibitions grew in popularity tournaments…  ( Click for more )

New Years are all about resolutions. That's what a friend of mine concluded as we were talking the other day. His succinct statement was something along the lines of, "Yep, everybody makes their resolutions and then nobody follows them." I guess the appropriate question to raise here is to ask how many of you have ever made a resolution and not kept it? Raise your hands. C'mon, Frank, you know you blew last year's resolution in the first day. For some reason, resolutions are a lot like promises for many people; they just simply aren't kept.

Ever wonder…  ( Click for more )

The Heisman Trophy Award was handed out recently with the naming of Reggie Bush of the University of Southern California as the recipient. This was one of the more hotly contested trophies in years with three players running neck and neck. Bush's play in the last few games of the year kicked him over the top in most sports writers' minds. Odd thing is that winning the Heisman doesn't always mean superstardom in the pro ranks. There is an overwhelming body of evidence that advises the pro football teams to look elsewhere for their stars of tomorrow.

True, recently…  ( Click for more )

Christmas draws ever the closer to us. I try not to show too much excitement about Christmas but I can't help it. I love the holidays, but I especially love Christmas. I think anyone who has been through the rigors of having children, or even just one child, can somehow understand the wonder of that very special night. My oldest child is a male. He was born at 5:59 P.M. on December 13. It was dark out at that time. I remember going to the lobby to call my parents and seeing all the lights outside the hospital there in Huntington, West Virginia.

Our doctor told us that…  ( Click for more )

As I was sitting on the floor last night watching my little one year old granddaughter examining the lights on the Christmas tree I couldn't help but be amazed at the world of wonder that is hers and her brother now. They've been through the struggling infant "feed me, change me, hold me" routine. Now they are beginning to awaken to the many things that surround them in their world. Instead of basic instincts of comfort they now have questions of discovery.

My wife and I got to have the kids for two evenings this week. Tuesday night was especially important to me…  ( Click for more )

When I was a kid growing up I remember watching the cartoons on Saturday mornings. Of course, being older I remember such antiquated heroes as Crusader Rabbit. Popeye and his gang were there in their older drawn versions as well as others such as Bugs Bunny before Mel Blanc got a hold of his voice. They were all pretty consistent with the fare of the day. Then there were those two little breaths of fresh air. Those two little cute chipmunks with the excuse me air to them. Then there was Chip 'n Dale.

They would do their thing and get caught in all sort of difficult scrapes,…  ( Click for more )

With only three weeks left in the season the National Football League is moving closer to Super Bowl Forty. A that time they will crown the champion football team of the NFL. The NFL Champion. There's an odd quirk that goes with not just professional football but collegiate football as well. And it all centers around two states; Wisconsin and Ohio. The quirk deals with the first teams to do some rather important things. It deals with being champions.

The NFL crowned its first ever champion football team in 1929. The Green Bay Packers from Green Bay Wisconsin won the…  ( Click for more )

In thirty-five years of ministry I cannot recall more than a few times that I was ever really sick enough to not be able to preach or at least function in the office. I imagine that I could count them on one hand. However, I have had some rather freakish occurrences that have left me immobilized for brief periods of time; things like a ruptured esophagus, severe nose bleeds and the threat of osteomyelitis (not sure of that spelling) from a softball shin bruise. So imagine my displeasure when I awoke yesterday morning with the "bug."

I had a virus. You know what viruses are,…  ( Click for more )

I try to be a nice guy. When my kids were growing up I would play the nice guy for them a lot of times. But I am also a fairly competitive guy, too. The problem is balancing competitive and nice. Sometimes you get to be both. The biggest thing is to not let the competitive side get in the way of the being nice side. Confused? Let me be blunt then. If you're going to win at the games you play, don't be obnoxious. Let's face it; obnoxious is not nice.

A few weeks ago a friend and I had planned a round of golf when we found out we would be joined by my friend's…  ( Click for more )

If you ever get the chance to make it to Stamping Ground, Kentucky, be sure to take in one of Central Kentucky's finest little establishments. Melissa's Country Cooking, as far as I know, is the only restaurant in Stamping Ground, but, as Andy Griffith would say, "It's a good'n." It's located on Main Street in the first floor of the Ruritan Building on the right as you head north out of town. If you're fortunate you may get to meet the same cherubic presence I did just recently. You may get to meet Jordan Hopkins.

When I entered the restaurant the…  ( Click for more )

It was all cackles and sputters and tweets and hums and beeps. It's fascinating to listen to a dial up for the internet squawk at you incessantly for five minutes until you finally get the picture and hit cancel. Such is life in Dial Up City. It's tough; it's brutal; it's where I live. And it can be frustrating. It's a good thing that the monitor is located where it is on my desk. At my age and condition it is too much effort to lift a leg high enough to put a foot through the thing. Hopefully today will be different.

This is day three of "Dial Up…  ( Click for more )