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Point of Reference
by Fred Price
Does the fact that somebody could even ask that question upset you? Good – it should. Yet that doesn’t change the findings of a research group consisting of five leading psychologists who gathered evidence for a comprehensive study on the attitudes of younger Americans that indicates today’s youth tend to be more narcissistic (or self-indulgent) than ever.2 Noting the usual progression of this tendency from small children, who tend to be self-centered by nature, to youths and adults, they suggest it might be time to stop endlessly re-enforcing children and young adults with their “specialness” and raise them less self-indulgently. (And while no one knows for sure what triggered the senseless killings on Virginia Tech’s campus this week, the “childish” striking out at innocent people because of disappointment or upset certainly indicates a degree of self-absorption.)
Narcissism is clinically identified as self-love, a necessary component of our psychological make-up. Indeed, if we have no sense of self-worth and respect, we would have no understanding of Jesus’ command to, ‘Love your neighbors as yourself.’ (quoting Leviticus 19:18); or respond to his directive to, “…do to others what you would have others do to you.” Matthew 7:11 But a little self-love can go a long way, especially when you consider how quickly our sin nature – rooted in selfishness – can blow our sense of self-worth out of proportion; manifesting itself in self-indulgence and feelings of entitlement.
Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, the study groups’ lead author, asserts that some aspects of building self-esteem in children are certainly beneficial; helping them relate to others better and increasing their involvement as young adults in community volunteer work. Keith Campbell, of the University of Georgia warns however that true narcissism, an extreme sense of one’s value and rights has very negative consequences for the individuals themselves, their acquaintances and society as a whole; as it involves the breakdown of close relationships with family, friends and the culture they live in. The study showed narcissists much more likely to indulge in short-lived romantic relationships, at greater risk of infidelity, lacking emotional stability and exhibiting a game-playing, dishonest, over-controlling mentality that often turns violent; current technology fueling the increase in narcissistic behavior. “By its very nature, My Space encourages attention-seeking, as does You Tube.”3
Professor Twenge, author of “Generation Me: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled – and More Miserable Than Ever Before,” finds narcissists lacking in empathy, favoring self-promotion over genuine offers of help (community service often viewed as a great resume’ builder on college applications and financial assistance forms), and prone to aggressive reactions when criticized. One culprit in the surge of Me first and only sentiments among many in society today can be traced back to the 1980’s “self-esteem” movement that has gone too far in attempting to foster self-confidence; the attendant permissiveness of our culture certainly qualifying as another component in our slide to self-indulgence.
A striking example of this attitude played itself out on the campus of DePauw University (not 20 miles from where I live), covered by the national news outlets across America. One of the sororities there decided to remedy its declining membership after supposedly discovering the culprit – girls more focused on academics than their looks; who were thus considered less able to attract new recruits. Even with the public denials and the assurance that this policy would never be found as part of the charter for this sorority (or any other), it became increasingly clear by public comments made by sorority leaders to some of the pledges in the chapter house that the right looks were indeed considered key to membership and recruiting. The insensitivity with which the girls who were judged as falling short of that standard were told and then evicted from their living quarters – during the week of semester exams no less – convincingly proved a number of points made by Professor Twenge and her associates in the fore-mentioned study. (In fairness, it must be noted that a number of girls deemed satisfactory and eligible for membership did resign from the sorority and moved out with the so-called less-desirables in protest.)
Does that offend you? I hope it does. But don’t think I’m accusing all of you as being this way! Nobody – regardless of age, gender or station in life likes to be categorized as being like everyone else. However, popular trends do have a way of seeping into everybody’s lifestyle, even the church occasionally guilty of emulating the world’s value system rather than holding true to her calling of being a totally different model for living. We must all be on guard against mimicking the world in differentiating between right and wrong, insuring the lifestyle we model is that of Christ revealed in His word. As God reminded Samuel when he inspected candidates for a very exclusive sorority (that of King), “Do not consider (their) appearance or (their) height, for I have rejected (them).” Explaining that, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Peter speaks to this same issue when he advises men to be considerate and respectful (1 Peter 3:7) while cautioning women against relying on their outward appearance and adornment to achieve a sense of worthiness. Instead, it should be that of your inner-self, “…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Christ’s sight.” 1Peter 3:3,4Calling on us all to, “…live in harmony… be sympathetic, love(ing).. be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 Attributes that are absolutely counter to the world’s enticements of total self-fulfillment, greedy ambition and disregard for others and their circumstances. Paul wholeheartedly agrees, admonishing us to, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3,4
Even in directing Timothy to not, “…let anyone look down on you because you are young,…”; he set the responsibility of accomplishing that squarely on Timothy’s shoulders; instructing him to, “…set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:11,12In other words, you set the standard, you be an example. Don’t let anyone doubt your abilities or your commitment by being so determined and positive in all you do that they can do nothing but admire you as a person and follow you as an advocate of Christ!
1Title of Associated Press news column by David Crary
2From the report cited in the Tribune Star, Feb. 27,2007
3Professor Twenge, from study noted above
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Fred Price - married (50 years), father of two grown children, grandfather of six.
Fred retired earlier this year after 42 years as a factory worker. He has always had a heart for young people and the challenges they face today. Over the years Fred has taught Discipleship Groups for High School and college students.
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