Subscription Lists

Practically every morning during my Quiet Time, Janet Jackson shows up. Let me explain. With praise music playing and scripture coming off the pages, words of inspiration flood me so heavily I am afraid I won’t get them on paper before I lose the ‘connection’. Something will distract me, like my need for another cup of coffee or my cat meowing and without fail, I hear the lyrics at the end of Jackson’s Control, Don’t Make Me Lose It! It’s been this way for years.

I’ve heard people describe ‘Default Songs’ as what plays…  ( Click for more )

So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. Hebrews 3:19 Day after tomorrow, I go back to the doctor to assess if I am ready to return to work. Just the thought of the piles of case work, demands from my supervisor and needs of my clients is enough to induce a Crohn’s attack. Yet the bills come regardless of my lack of income. While I always (at least try to) seek God’s will first, I frequently consult with one of my Pastors who holds me accountable as he helps identify when I am falling into my unhealthy patterns. It is…  ( Click for more )

While I received a couple Thanksgiving Dinner invitations from dear friends, I chose to spend yesterday alone in my cottage. I sent, text messages and emails to friends expressing gratitude for having them in my life. I was thankful for virtual communication allowing me to avoid socializing. As the day progressed, I really wanted the traditional Thanksgiving meal. (I was hungry and fast food joints were closed.) I swallowed my pride and called a friend who lives approximately 30 minutes away. Because it was already dark, I thought I could ask if she had leftovers, could I get them tomorrow…  ( Click for more )

I have an old friend who connects with me a couple times per year to meet for lunch. He is my mother’s age and I know from previous discussions he does not believe in depression. Yesterday, he called wanting to know my work schedule to meet me as he comes from a neighboring city. With the questions he was asking, I reluctantly admitted I am on leave from work which he jumped all over me for; “You’re going to lose your job! Just snap out of this… you know better than to go that mental route. When was the last time you went to the beach? That’s your problem…  ( Click for more )

I just listened to the same Beth Moore Podcast 3 times where she used two different examples of being humbled and inspired by someone with a disability. The timing was perfect as I had gently disagreed with a friend from church who had insisted my purpose is inspiring others by persevering despite my disability. In my stubborn manner, I asserted, “But I am not succeeding… in fact, I am doing the very thing I have spent my career advocating against – people with disabilities not being self-sufficient”. She debated with words but her tears were what broke me, telling…  ( Click for more )

My entire life, I have believed God’s will for me was to encourage others with disabilities and afflictions. After all, there is a reason I talk and walk differently from other. Having a passion for writing with the gift of introspection and a brain that (unlike my physical abilities) is able to cognitively process information, the way I am created has made my purpose in life evident – until a few months ago. I’ve been struggling to discover why I am here since obviously God still has work for me to do since he hasn’t called me home to heaven. I am fine not having…  ( Click for more )

Over the past few days, two people have shared dramatic current events in their lives. One is facing eviction this week with no where for her and her five children to live; the other learned her father has cancer, she lost her purse and had her car repossessed with no financial relief in sight. You would never know they were experiencing such hardship as an outsider. In fact, they didn’t share with me until we had lengthy discussions. Personally, I am on unpaid medical leave at least until December, if not January. Actually, my medical leave was denied so I could be fired at…  ( Click for more )

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. - Psalm 5:3 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7,8 For various reasons, it has always been hard for me to ask for help. Whether attempting to prove my capabilities (to myself included), pride, or plain stubbornness, I despise admitting my needs. With God, I figure he knows what…  ( Click for more )

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. - Psalm 5:3 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7,8 For various reasons, it has always been hard for me to ask for help. Whether attempting to prove my capabilities (to myself included), pride, or plain stubbornness, I despise admitting my needs. With God, I figure he knows what…  ( Click for more )

Whenever I don’t (publicly) blog for awhile, that usually means God is showing me some amazing things (and/or something amazing). That is what has been happening since Saturday’s sermon when Pastor Joel preached about sometimes we don’t know what is right or wrong until someone points it out to us. He gave the example of seeing so many ‘worldly’ movies that our (moral) filter becomes desensitized to having the movie values as our values. I know for me, there’s an area in my life that has been so ‘normal’ for so long that I truly have…  ( Click for more )

Being single in my mid-30’s has inspired me to regularly ask God to make me a priority in someone’s life. For years, I have felt like I was in ‘extended families’ but no one’s priority. This is why I blog, to have a sounding board where others have spouses, parents, etc.. I remember a few years ago, sitting at Northland while they were singing, “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe and, once again, asking Him, “God, you’ve given me friends, yet they all have families that, logically, come before me. I want to be someone’s priority.”…  ( Click for more )

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths,] you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. -- Psalm 139:7-10 I was awakened this morning by a bright light… it was the moon. A few days ago, I wrote about sensing God smiling at me through the moon, assuring me that he is always watching over me. Needless to say, opening my eyes to the brightness of the moon…  ( Click for more )

In Exodus 3:5, God tells Moses to take of his sandals, for the place where he was standing was holy ground. Moses hid his face because he was afraid to look at God. Sometimes, especially when I pray in public, I feel the same way. Just thinking of who God is and what He has done intimidates me speechless! At these times, I tend to recite scripture as prayers because my own words seem so weak and unworthy. But one of the best things I learned in college was about having a relationship with Jesus. Just the name ‘Jesus’ comforts and warms me within. (As the…  ( Click for more )

Jonah had an attitude like I have… he didn’t want God to bless the enemy, so Jonah refused to go where God directed him. (Is it coincidence that I declared I was no longer going to my home church earlier this week?) Jonah outright disobeyed God, yet still proclaimed his faith in the Lord to sailors on the boat. The sailors (who were pagans) told Jonah to pray to God to calm the sea, but Jonah, with his attitude, went to sleep. I could imagine him thinking, “I am over this following God stuff!” Eventually, God saves him after he prays, and sends him once again…  ( Click for more )

This morning, I was researching ‘entering his rest’ in Hebrews 4. I didn’t know what that meant so I pulled out the ‘big books’ to explore this concept. At the same time, I opened an email from my brother which had a song attached to it. He said it made him think of me. I went back to my research, writing this definition of entering his rest: a covenant relation to Christ and a state of communion with God through Christ, and of growing up therein until we are made perfect in Glory. After writing the last word, the song seemed louder somehow. The lyrics…  ( Click for more )

This is a historical time for my church. Tonight is the last service in the old building. Next weekend’s services will be in our beautiful new building. Saturday night, I felt an overwhelming sadness that has yet to go away. I asked people who have been there much longer than me if they were sad. One response was “No, I am thankful!” I told myself that just because I am sad doesn’t mean I am not thankful. So much has happened within those walls which has shaped who I am today. When I was devastated over the Terri Schiavo incident, I immediately went to the altar.…  ( Click for more )

Depression seems to be an epidemic lately. At least three of my friends are experiencing clinical depression, and all three want it to stay hidden. Maybe they tell me because I have fought depression my entire life, or maybe they tell me because I am a licensed therapist. According to many, Christians aren’t suppose to be depressed and if they are, they are not praying hard enough and/or don’t have enough faith. In fact, I was told that I must not be a Christian when I declared my vocational goal to becoming a psychologist because Christians go to God, not psychologists. …  ( Click for more )

When we go to God in prayer, we are to confess our sins and repent. Sincere repentance cleanses us from unrighteousness and purifies our heart. Unconfessed sin interferes with our relationship with Him because it keeps us from surrendering everything to Him. (Matthew 5:23, Psalm 32:5-7, Psalm 66:18). When we confess a particular sin yet do not plan to stop committing the sin, He knows. It’s like saying to a friend, “Hey, I am sorry I talked behind your back, but if given the chance, I am going to do it again.” Confession makes me feel better, but repentance makes…  ( Click for more )

Recently, while listening to the old hymn, It is Well With My Soul, I read this about the writer: The words to this hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford's life. The first was the Great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially. Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford's daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford's wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram: "SAVED ALONE." Several weeks later, as Spafford's own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, he was inspired to write these words.…  ( Click for more )

1path is crowded with people, none of them stay with you. None of them put your best interest first at all times. Most of them lead you into trouble for the sake of temporary pleasure – internal, external, but not eternal. The path is broken, unclear signs contradict your gut feeling. You have pleasure, for a moment, but never peace, never comfort, never security because all you have is not yours at all and can be snatched away at any time. But you do please yourself whenever and however you can. Too bad you cannot rest enough to enjoy such pleasures even in the limited time…  ( Click for more )

Sometimes, we just have to hurt. In Matthew 26:36-46, Jesus goes from his disciples to the Father, prays, then back to the disciples who were sleeping and once again to the Father. Although he told the disciples that he was so sad that he was almost dying of sorrow, asking that they keep watch while he went and prayed, they fell asleep. Did He question their care and love for him? I would have been frustrated, even to the point of ‘redefining’ our relationship, thinking if they truly cared, they would’ve kept watch and prayed… anything but fall asleep! Then…  ( Click for more )

Growing up in Florida has made hurricanes a regular part of life. As a child, I remember being scared yet unbelievably comforted when storms came. Life was put on hold as the family 'hunkered down' together in the living room with candles, games, and each other. There was no other choice; no phones, no open roads, no television. The only world we tended to was in those four walls. As I currently endure another kind of storm, I get the same familiar feeling with my Father. I am so caught up in the turnoil outside that I stay close to my Father where the Light is, where I am safe.…  ( Click for more )

Sometimes I go out of my way to 'secularize' my writing. There are non-christians who read my blogs and I don't want them to be turned away by all of my 'religious references'. (Truth is, I don't see myself as a religious writer; I simply write about my relationship with Jesus.) Ultimately, I want my writing to be a testimony of God's glory, but I tend to lose sight of even that when I write. Why can't I write about normal single, mid-thirties, professional woman issues like men, fashion, socializing, men, shopping, oh… and men? I know people wonder about the romance side of…  ( Click for more )

Sometimes I go out of my way to 'secularize' my writing. There are non-christians who read my blogs and I don't want them to be turned away by all of my 'religious references'. (Truth is, I don't see myself as a religious writer; I simply write about my relationship with Jesus.) Ultimately, I want my writing to be a testimony of God's glory, but I tend to lose sight of even that when I write. Why can't I write about normal single, mid-thirties, professional woman issues like men, fashion, socializing, men, shopping, oh… and men? I know people wonder about the romance side of…  ( Click for more )