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I have always been filled with expectations. Even as a child I always had great expectations, of the trails I would blaze, the people I would help, of who I would be, where I would go and now I am here. I have reached a point of my life that I have been striving for and yet it’s not quite how I pictured it.

“We all think we are going to be great. But sometimes our expectations sell us short.”[1] -Grey from Grey’s Anatomy

2Cor4:18 (The Message) There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the…  ( Click for more )

I really don’t give God as much glory as He deserves. A sure sign of whether or not I am giving God His deserved glory and reverence is to ask myself what I value the most at a given point in time. What I am most committed to is what I worship. I can easily divert my reverence from God and instead worship people, my relationships and myself.

As I have prepared to leave the country God has used many people to encourage me and to give to me, but I took this gift and corrupted it. I began to get puffed up by people and their attention rather then continue to focus on God.…  ( Click for more )

I have had some interesting conversations recently. You know the deep, what-is-the-meaning-of-life-and-relationships type of conversations? The, what-do-I-really-have-to-offer-someone type of conversations. In these conversations, my friends continued to express that their fear was not being able to offer something, uncertain of what they can bring to the table. I have heard it from men and women and I have definitely heard it come out of my own mouth. In friendships, in relationships I too can ask, “Am I enough?” or, “Am I too much?”, “Was I too vulnerable?”,…  ( Click for more )

Isaiah 40:1(The Message) "Comfort, oh comfort my people," says your God.”

God cries out for someone to comfort his people. He has not called me to be comforted, but to comfort. He calls me to be his ear and hear those who are crying out. As I prepare for my trip I know that there will be people around me that are tired and weary of life and those who have possibly been pounded down to the point of hopelessness. But this possibility has only resonated with me in the past few days and in the past few weeks and months all I have been dwelling on has been my comfort.…  ( Click for more )

Running around, preparing to leave the country for a couple of months has truly opened my eyes. I have woken up a little more aware of the comfort of my bed, the air climate control, my hot shower, the fellowship at church and the Sunday service. It made me think of that country song, “Live Like You Were Dying”. I know it’s not the same, not even close, but it has given me a whole new perspective on gratitude.

God truly has given me the desires of my heart. It’s more of a question of my gratitude for what He has given me, what He continues to give…  ( Click for more )

The New Year invokes reflection for me. Reflection can be bitter-sweet. As I look back on my year I have both sad and happy memories. The people in my life today are not all the same as those who were there a year ago. There are people who have fallen in love, gotten married, received promotions, gotten to know God and become disciples. For each of those people there is an equal amount of people who have broken up, lost loved ones, lost their job and chose to walk away from God. There are some who have rang in the New Year with absolute euphoria while others can only pray for…  ( Click for more )

In order for me to truly be grateful for something I have always needed to earn it or lose it and gain in back in some form. As a result I believe that for most people to truly appreciate something they must at some point feel its absents. Whether it is family and people or electricity and running water. During the Holidays I heard a lot of complaining about what a pain it is to shop for gifts, cook, host or travel to family. All of these are normal holiday gripes and for most they melt away at the Christmas table when the odd ball uncle starts making corny jokes or the crazy family…  ( Click for more )

"Sometimes the fear of loss and of pain makes us avoid risks by staying away from love, by not giving of ourselves, by living in a defensive way."[1]

I believe that fear is really a byproduct of a deep mistrust in the heart of God toward me. This applies to not only relational fears, but any decisions in my life. As I have been reading John and Staci Eldredge’s, Captivating, the book has helped me to see how I mistrust in God’s heart towards me in different areas of my life and what I can do to conquer that mistrust.

I am currently faced with a life…  ( Click for more )

Josh24: 14-24(The Message)  So now: Fear God.  Worship him in total commitment. Get rid of the gods your ancestors worshiped on the far side of The River (the Euphrates) and in Egypt.  You, worship God.  If you decide that it’s a bad thing to worship God, then chose a god you’d rather serve—and do it today.  Choose one of the gods your ancestors worshiped from the country beyond The River, or one of the gods of the Amorites, on whose land you’re now living.  As for me and my family, we’ll worship God.

The people…  ( Click for more )

1Sam7:3( NIV) If you are returning to the Lord with all your hearts, then rid yourselves of the foreign gods and the Ashtoreths and commit yourselves to the Lord and serve him only and he will deliver you out of the hands of the Philistines.

When I have read passages in the Old Testament about people worshiping false idols I was always so frustrated at how they so quickly turned away from God after the phenomenal miracles they had witnessed. Yet, I see how easily in small ways I do the same thing.  Ok, so I don’t build ceramic idols to worship, I don’t consciously…  ( Click for more )

Rom1:18-25 (NIV) v21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  v25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie.

(The Message) v21 People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn’t treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. 

Not thanking God is a symptom of not glorifying Him, as well as one small act that can lead…  ( Click for more )

I recently returned from a women’s retreat where the theme was deep friendships.  I kind of went with the arrogant attitude of, “Well, I have great deep friendships so this will be fun, but I don’t think I will be learning much this weekend.” Yeah, God quickly snuffed that attitude! I do indeed have great and deep friendships and have surrounded myself with wonderful women; peers, mentors, mentees, or rather God has surrounded me with these women.  But there is another side of friendship that was addressed- there is a healthy and an unhealthy way to…  ( Click for more )

In a recent service the minister asked if we would be able to become Christians today. Would we be able to surrender all and give up all today?  I started to think about how the older we get the higher the stakes become and the harder it is to give up everything. When I was counting the cost to become a Christian I had to surrender and give up everything. Most people think, well at 17 that shouldn’t have been so hard, but see what most people don’t think about is that if you make that decision as a teen you are faced with giving up the unknown more so than the known.…  ( Click for more )

When I rowed crew in college there was a quote up on the wall in our crew room that I always loved, it read, “Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body.”

With the exception to athletics, for the most part, when I think of suffering I definitely think of ways to avoid it.  I mean suffering, hurting...anyone who enjoys those things is obviously masochistic and has serious problems. It’s like when your young and the doctor wants to prick your finger and says it will only hurt for a second. I never failed to express (loudly) my disagreement and question of his logic!…  ( Click for more )

I have been learning the difference between the real and the genuine.  See Cubic Zirconium is real, but Diamonds are genuine.  It’s a funny thing about diamonds. They are imperfect. In fact, the more imperfections and flaws they have, the more valuable they are.

I have been studying out 1Peter recently.  It’s a powerful letter written to offer encouragement to suffering Christians.  See, I don’t deal well with suffering.  I like to avoid it or discard it, but unless it is dealt with suffering returns. I can be “real” about…  ( Click for more )

1Cor10:12-13 (the message) don’t be so naïve and self-confident.  You’re not exempt.  You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else.  Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence. 

This past week has I have been both comforted and challenged by God’s word. Also meaning- I have been reading it consistently- repenting. I have been studying out God’s faithfulness and it has truly been powerful. I thought I was at peace about certain things in my life, and indeed I am, but a few weeks ago…  ( Click for more )

It’s crazy how content and at peace I have become about certain aspects of my life. It feels kind of weird.  I’m happy with my job and where I am in my career even though it is not by far my dream job. I still have aspirations that I have not met but I have not really felt anxious about them.  I have also felt very fulfilled in my personal life- cared for by my friends. This calm has provided a perfect opening for a spiritual sneak attack.

I think everything is going well. I’m calm and at peace about my life and all its aspects, so I start to get…  ( Click for more )

I want to be a wise woman when I grow up. Wise women know what to hold fast to and what to release, while foolish women hold on fast to what will kill them and release what would bring them life.  Wise women hold on to the promises of God and let go of the things that poison or frustrate life. 

Filtering the things I want which can kill me from the things I desire that will bring me life is not always so simple.  In fact sometimes I can even dress up the things that can kill me in “spiritual” clothing, all along relying on my own wisdom.  Saying…  ( Click for more )

Gentleness has never been a characteristic that people who know me would use to describe me.  I’m the “honest” friend, the “tell it as it is” friend. But I’m also the friend who can really scorch with her words. This can be disheartening. I want to build my friends up and encourage them when they are down or even when they are in the wrong, but my passion can stifle gentleness and compassion. The “com” gets choked out by the “passion”.  It results from a lack of trust in God, but also can prevent me from re-enforcing…  ( Click for more )

“She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.” Prov5:6 NIV

She knows it not… gulp…I wonder how long I have walked in the wrong direction and knew it not?  

Lisa Bevere, once wrote, “We will find ourselves on pathways of deception any time we accept a lie as truth.  We find ourselves  wandering the ways of darkness whenever we refuse the counsel of God’s timeless wisdom and spurn it as irrelevant to our day or not applicable to our unique situation.  It is foolish to think every…  ( Click for more )

"Surround yourself with those who see and nurture your gifts and exhort you to be better than you already are. Take stock in friends who will speak the truth to you in love, but extend grace to you as well." Michelle McKinney Hammond, from THE DIVA PRINCIPLE

Overcoming bitterness can be an interesting process. I recently went through it. I dealt with the hurt and anger I felt as a result of someone else’s actions and in the end God replaced the bitterness with compassion. Trust me, this was not as easy of a process as it reads; in fact it makes me a bit flustered just…  ( Click for more )

I desire recognition for my ‘hard’ work.  It’s interesting to me, how as human beings we want our accomplishments to be recognized, we work for acknowledgment.  Yet, as Christians we strive to be content and accept that we will never be able to earn the grace and gift of salvation which God has freely given us.  

In my career I work to earn promotions and rewards.  I even work in relationships to earn my friends trust as they work to earn mine.  Still God says I cannot earn his favor, it is granted to me freely and He only desires…  ( Click for more )

I have gotten to a point in my walk with God where it’s not about whether or not I trust Him.  I know I don’t trust him with a lot of things, it’s about finding out why I don’t?

It still surprises me when I catch myself ‘grabbing the wheel’ away from God. All of a sudden I’m this little person in the passenger’s seat reaching across and grabbing the wheel trying to drive.  As common sense sets in, and I realize what I am doing, I still can’t seem to pry my grubby little fingers off the huge wheel ten times my size. …  ( Click for more )

The past couple of weeks have been an absolute whirl wind. I moved apartments, am in midst of changing jobs, and if that was not stressful enough what was meant to be a weekend getaway turned out to be a very heavy weekend personally and spiritualy.  I felt very much under attack, only to encounter the final blows on my flight home.

My return flight was very early in the morning and unlike me I was running late.  I was flying with a friend however, and that helped keep me calm until she decided to leave me resulting in me not speaking to her out of anger and hurt.…  ( Click for more )