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A friend once brought me a cup of coffee as a good will gesture. This task did not require extensive research or much effort but it was never the less a kind and thoughtful act. This random act of kindness happened over four years ago, and I had for a long time forgotten it , and yet as I began to learn more and more about mercy the memory returned. See, my reaction to the gesture was one of confusion and defensiveness. Instead of accepting the gesture I initially rejected it and was rather rude. The gesture had scratched at the surface of some things in my character that were not…  ( Click for more )

In a recent conversation I was asked about the meaning of a word. In my arrogance and need to appear in control I answered to the best of my ability but did not in fact look the word up. Luckily the friend I was speaking to did look it up, and as he read the words on the page each one struck my proud heart like a rock against a thick glass window slowly cracking the glass until it shattered. The word was earnest. When I used to see the words “earnestly seek him” I somehow correlated it to an outward action, which is somewhat required but this particular verse is referring…  ( Click for more )

After numorous years of trying to be faithful I have realized that I can still, in practice, forget what faith is. I may be able to quote Hebrews 11 and define faith, but it does not mean that I actively practice it in my life on a daily basis. I can read my bible and pray and still be faithless in many of my actions. This past week I was reminded that faith is not a state of being, it is a vigorous act - a choice. Hebrews 11:6 (NLT) So you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God and that he rewards…  ( Click for more )

I have had these random moments where I have been looking for something after being told where to find the given item. In these moments the harder I looked in the instructed location, the more frustrated I got when I could not find it. In these moments the person who told me where to look tends to come over and, with impeccable ease, pick out the sought item, adding salt to the wound by saying something along the lines of, “it’s right in front of you, what are you blind?” I have had many blind moments. The harder I tend to look, the harder it is for me to see what…  ( Click for more )

I was waiting in line at the airport recently. I was at the check in gate to enter my gate area before boarding the plane when 3Asian gentlemen standing in line before me were instructed to step out of the line and return upstairs. It was clear almost immediately from their reaction that they might not only be having a problem with the language spoken but that they were in fact def. The young woman from the airline repeated all the lauder that they were at the wrong airline/flight and pointed them upstairs to return to the pre-boarding counter. As I watched this event unfold I could…  ( Click for more )

I really need to work as conscientiously in trusting God’s love as I do in obeying His commands. Jerry Bridges once wrote that, “God’s love is an objective truth” and elaborated on how therefore; I must store it up in my mind and heart in order to then be able to use it in the midst of doubts. Trusting in the fact that God loves me allows me to continually fight to hand over my doubts and fears about my future to Him. After all if the creator of the Universe really loves me than wouldn’t he want the best for me? God’s love is what I can draw…  ( Click for more )

I remember being a little girl and walking into a dark room with a mirror. Catching a glimpse of my own reflection could be absolutely terrifying. Yet once the light was on I couldn’t help but laugh at my fear. I had simply scared myself. If someone would have asked me last week, “If you could have any super power which one would you have?” I would have immediately answered, “ the power to stop time!” I went to sleep Monday night and woke up Saturday, or at least that is how it felt, as the week went by so quickly it was an absolute blur. The only…  ( Click for more )

I love secrets, as in I love being entrusted with them or knowing something others don’t. There is something exiting about knowing a secret. I can feel entrusted or just plain special. This concept of ‘being in the know’ can easily get warped when I don’t know what’s going on or what someone else is thinking. When I’m not in the know I can make assumptions and listen to the wrong voices inside me. Deuteronomy 29:29 (NIV) The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we…  ( Click for more )

“For the wisdom of man can not see how the providence of God can arrange human actions to fulfill his purpose without an miracle.” Alexander Caron When I read this passage recently I thought that what it should say is, “ Humanity is so dense that it will never get how God can work in our day to day lives unless it is by some miraculous sign.” When I read it a second time I thought, it could just read, “Kasia is so dense…” God is with me all the time. He doesn’t leave when he has better things to do or when my life issues are of…  ( Click for more )

This week like every other week has been one of me falling flat on my face and being pulled by God out of the mess I managed to make.

Psalm 27:6 (Message) God holds me head and shoulders above all who try to pull me down.

I have had multiple interactions with people in my life that have recently exposed, on a whole new level, my fear of being vulnerable. In my reluctance to be vulnerable with others I can hide behind sarcasm, jokes, or aggressive behavior. I have gained a new prospective recently on really wanting to make an effort to not fall into my old patterns of…  ( Click for more )

I used to think that my family was exceptional, as in exceptionally dysfunctional. I would look at some of my friend’s families and think, “Wow they are like the perfect family, and they don’t seem to have any issues at all.” Eventually I learned that weather overtly or covertly, all families have issues. No family is perfect because they are all composed of imperfect people. Out of all the people in my life, my immediate family can press my buttons the hardest and send me to places Jesus just doesn’t go. Some of my deepest insecurities and vices are…  ( Click for more )

Since returning to the country I have been fighting to transition this ‘new’ person I had become into my ‘old’ environment. I know one does not need to leave the country to change but apparently I did. In my return I have been continually faced with ‘old’ ways and wondered why the ‘new’ me has been unable to emerge. I finally realized this past weekend that the ‘new’ me has returned and her perception is a lot sharper, so much so that she can see the ‘old’ me a lot clearer, or rather, no matter how far I go when…  ( Click for more )

I can be petty. I wonder why I get caught up in pettiness and yet simultaneously can despise it so much. Most conflicts and discord that I myself have been part of or seen others get ‘stuck’ in are petty. They are things and issues that will not matter the following day, week, or month, and it is guaranteed that no one will even remember them in a year’s time. Yet, without fail, petty conflicts plague our lives.

Pettiness is defined as: Of little or no importance or consequence; of lesser or secondary importance; mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things;…  ( Click for more )

Lately I found myself casually dating. The difference between casually dating and a serious relationship, I think, boils down to a level of commitment. In my journey of coming to know and commit to God I went through a phase of casually dating Jesus; in the form of occasionally studying the bible, to committing to a more serious relationship; through deepening my personal walk with God as I was taught to understand what walking with him really meant as well as learned more about his love for me, to finally taking the plunge into marriage; represented by baptism. My motivation for…  ( Click for more )

Making someone cry can be one of the most terrible feelings in the world. For the most part when we make people cry we don’t see it but there are the few occasions when some of us have had the unfortunate opportunity to witness the pain we ensued.

The person’s face flushes and their eyes well up with tears. As the tears begin to roll down their cheeks the pain, hurt and frustration in their eyes is unmistakable. It can result in immediate panic in the second party. As you watch a person come undone you can feel helpless, sorrowful, even scared yourself. I have been…  ( Click for more )

After much traveling and living abroad this past year I have returned to the U.S. It has been a difficult transition back. I often find myself being ‘homesick’ for Africa, especially on really cold days. Being back has been transitional for many reasons but one reason which has really stuck out to me over the past few weeks has been the simple fact that I have changed. I changed while I was living abroad and I liked the person I had become. Unfortunately, as soon as I got back I began to loose that person. It was as if all of my old fears and bad habits were just waiting…  ( Click for more )

As I have traveled for work into areas that are considered less safe than the norm, I have found myself comfortable in certain situations over the past few weeks in which I normally wouldn’t have been comfortable. While walking down a dirt road one sunny afternoon I started to think, “Hmm, that’s funny. The last time I was here and on this road I was a lot more alert and on guard.” It struck me how I can get a false sense of security simply because something has become familiar.

One thing I discovered working under such extreme conditions is that it can…  ( Click for more )

2 Corinthians 4:17 (NLB) The little troubles we suffer now for a short time are making us ready for the great things God is going to give us forever.

Beside the fact that this scripture is referring to torture and heavy persecution when it was written, my troubles never seem little when I’m going through them. In fact if there are a lot of little troubles they all seem to roll together into one giant snowball and roll right over me. So although I can look at the scripture above and intellectually make sense of it, in the troubled moments I would really like to…  ( Click for more )

In the days before the recent holidays, I found myself feeling rushed, anxious and weak. Pre-holiday angst has a way of placing many people in this mood, so I figured that I would have the time to slow down and recover during the holidays themselves, as I had done in the past.

This year something was off. The running and anxiety were not passing, but instead increasing. The harder I tried to make time to just be still and have some peace or reflect, the more obstacles seemed to get in the way, quite literally starting with stepping off of the plane and not finding my luggage there…  ( Click for more )

I seem to easily forget how my own sense of self worth is related to my sense of understanding of how God defines my value. The closer I draw to God, the more self-worth I have. The more self-worth I possess, out of respect for what is God’s (me), the more I respect what belongs to God and all the more I draw others to myself who also respect what is His (me).

I have been surrounded by such amazing people in my life, however when I have not respected that which is God’s (myself), I have missed the true blessing of these people and have instead focused on those who…  ( Click for more )

When I reflect on the things that truly scare me versus the things that don’t seem to faze me much, I tend to perplex myself and those around me. For example, I had to do something recently that scared me. As I waited to face what I had to do, fear gripped me even more. I was scared to fail, to be judged. I was scared of all the things I could not possibly know, foresee, or control. Yet, when faced with my ultimate task, it really wasn’t that bad. I got through it and felt a wave of relief afterward. I didn’t handle it perfectly and I know there will be many such…  ( Click for more )

I don't really like the phrase "Keep your eyes on Jesus." I have always gotten a mental picture of some meek individual staring up at a picture of a frail malnourished white man gently pinned to a thin cross with a single drop of blood running down his brow. I can't respect that image. That image goes against everything I have known Jesus to be. I can't keep my eyes on that. The man I am supposed to keep my eyes on is strong, he is brave, he was marred beyond recognition on the cross and he is not afraid to tell me, "No!" In fact, he has on many occasions.

Hebrews…  ( Click for more )

I am an emotional person. Take note as I don’t put such statements in writing often and I’m sure it will come back to bite me in some way. Usually, I like to think of myself more as a passionate person. The term emotional has always sounded so negative and unruly. Passion is after all driven by emotion and there is a fine balance between controlled directed emotion and out of control emotion. There have been times when I have not only acted out of emotions but have indeed let them take over. Recently however, I have had some major victories in this area of my life. Over…  ( Click for more )

I would like to think that I am a strong independent woman who isn’t effected by the attention, or lack their of, from the opposite sex but this thought is not the reality. When I am not getting my security from God I often chose to get it from men. This does not mean that I seek out attention from sketchy men necessarily, sometimes this can be the attention of Godly men. The attention does not always have to be negative or even impure or ill willed. In the right mind set I can often take the compliment or the attention for what it is- encouragement. It is when I place the…  ( Click for more )